you could be my scene,

I've found myself reading poetry by Emily Dickinson, and lyrics more and more these last couple of days. It just... it quite simply captures me. Two new books that I wanted SO badly and I haven't even read them yet. What insanity.

you don't know what you live for until you know what you would die for. i truly believe that. i know about 7 people i would die for right now. that is actually more than i could have expected without counting like i just did. i guess you could call me lucky. that makes me wonder, how many would die for me in this exact moment. who really, really loves me. and for what reasons. perhaps i'll never know.
dear reader, i believe i love you. and i hope you believe me.

i'm lost in this moment because it feels so... right.

you forgot where to go, so i forgot who you were.
i need to see your face light up again.
but...i don't even know who you are anymore. and me?
i'm left behind.
i choose to be quiet. because if i try to mutter these words in my mind, i'll break down. just like i did, just like i always do, and always will when i have to face you. face my reality.
looks like your lies are engulfing your subconscious.
I DON'T LIKE WHO YOU ARE LIKE I USED TO.

i can't really say why everyone always wishes they were somewhere else. but in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take. we walk on one road. leading to seperate places. we can't go back. that's sometimes the devastating truth about things, that eventually subsides to guilt in our minds. we choose some place, some person, one decision. it leads to what we thought we wanted all along. but it turns out to be worse that you could ever imagine. and the worst part is....
it's all your fault. because you chose it. and it was at one point exactly what you wanted.

the best gift i could have been given was given to me. god gave me the ability to see beauty in everything and everyone. without this, i would be seeing the world through a false lense, like many do. things take my breath away, so effortlessly. it's not that i can always see it, or feel it. sometimes i forget. but i'm quickly reminded that the world i live in is perfect in it's own imperfect way.

i have to try sometimes, to see exactly where i am. to feel exactly what i'm feeling. it all comes too quickly.
i don't know what's wrong with me, but sometimes i get lost in the moment i'm in, and start to become very confused...about nothing. except for the fact that i don't feel that i'm truly in that moment...i just feel far away from myself at times. and it scares me sometimes. i hope i don't sound like a complete freak. maybe, just maybe, you can relate in the smallest way.

i never thought i would be the one to do this. it's me, it's always me who gets hurt. so how...am i capable of doing it? i guess it has to happen sometime.

arguments mean nothing to me. at the end of the day, i still love you more than i did when i woke up. <3

i really am trying. very hard. despite my efforts, everything seems to be falling apart.
everything needs to break apart to fall back together sometimes, i admit.
truly, i'm perfecting myself in the best way that i can.

all these colors will change...
goodnight. xo
corbin.
forever. and always. until the sun is no more.