I would do anything to have you beside me tonight,
"In life you are going to make mistakes, you're
going to fall down, but it's the getting up that counts. Just like in baseball:
you'll get a few hits, but most likely, you'll strike out more than you'll get
on base. But don't quit. Find your focus, relax, take a deep breath and give it
a good swing."
I don't like feeling emotions on such a deep level, I'm sure of this.
I know we are all running away from something, big or small, inconsequential or vitally important. We can run and run away from something, or someone, but everything catches up to us like a whirlwind. Sometimes, we should just stay still, live in the moment, and appreciate our fears. Or at least accept them in some sort of way.
We don't always have second chances in life, and I like that. Even though it changes the dynamic of everything, I can appreciate that. It makes me more determined in a sense. To do things right.
I believe in myself. More than I have ever imagined, but I always have doubts in the back of my mind. I don't think I'm capable of letting that completely go. And I'm not concerned about it, because I've came so far. Sometimes the only thing that gives me hope is thinking about my future. And sometimes I wish I could have hope in the present moment, but I can't. Or my past. The future is what keeps me going and motivates me.
I just need to slow down for a while.
I've really realized that people change quickly. And sometimes all we want is to reach out and grab who they were and bring them back to us. But we can't. That's what hurts me. I care too much for people, and when they let me down, my world crashes down. And of course, they leave with no wounds or scratches and I'm left with heartwrenching pain. Why?
If I've learned anything it's that no one can be happy all the time. I think sometimes we need to go through tough times to realize what we have. Sometimes we need to feel pain to know what pure joy is. Sometimes we need negative experiences to help others, and learn about ourselves, as horrible as you feel at the time...things pass. And we're able to move on. God gives us shoes that fit us, so to speak.
-We can't live in the pits of life, defeated and depressed. Just because others around us can't and refuse to see the good things in us, doesn't mean they don't happen or exist. We really can't change people, so we have to make ourselves happy. We just can't let the negative people infect us. How we see ourselves determines what kind of life we will live. So don't dwell on mistakes, see yourself as God sees you, and remember you have the lungs and capacity to carry on. Once we see the world in a way that lets us hold it, it will all start making sense again. I promise. I'm living proof that we can overcome anything, with the right mindset.
Don't let me hear you say what I've thought before. Almost subconsiously, I've thought "I'm a victim of my life." It just make myself take in toxins of negative thoughts. Instead, we have to think, "Okay. Even though things are bad for me right now, I will smile through it. I will know it's for a purpose, and I will overcome it." It's taken me a while. But I'm getting out.
I want someone to love me for exactly who I am, and love all of my weaknesses and annoying habits. I want someone to accept my constant giggling and sincere intentions. I want someone to be able to take my indecisiveness and understand my intentions when my words don't come out right. I want someone to look at me the way that I want them to. I want to know it's possible.
In some sort of way, I'll always be the person who feels like the world is taking her over. But I'm showing the side of me who can take over the world, and not have it take over me.
-It's all a matter of how we see the world and the situation.
Sometimes I look in the mirror, and all I can see is myself disappearing right before myself. And I'll stand there, looking to find answers to something I'll never know. But it never seems to help.
I'm more than happy summer is here. I've made it through Junior year, and I'm excited to consider myself a Senior now. Time passes fast. This school year has been so bittersweet. Overall, I'm content. I just need to get ungrounded. I feel pathetic. Just sitting here, unable to do the things I love.
Maybe I need this time, but I can't seem to convince myself that.
I can't wait to prove myself in this lifetime. Not that I need to. I want to do these great things for myself. And I will. I wish I wouldn't sound arrogant when I say this, but I'm going to go so far in my life. It's not arrogance at all. I'm going to help people in the biggest ways. I know this more than I know I'm sitting here right now.
Lastly, on this novel of a post, I really would like to say this: I don't want you, dear reader, to feel like I'm 'preaching' or 'lecturing' to you about how to live life, because I'm truly not. I don't know any more about life than you do. I'm still learning. But I do think I'm capable of good advice, and if I can touch just one person, then I can die happy, as I've said before. I write these things (mostly) for me. It helps me get through situations, I'm not thinking I'm superior or know any more on how to live, because you are all more amazing than I'll ever be.
I just wanted to make sure that was clear.
Thank you so much for reading.
xo
lovelovelove.
