i need you here but you're always so far away,

I'm glad I'm figuring things out for myself. It brings me happiness to know that my future isn't defined by my past, but how I look at it. It's not about the circumstances I've been in. It's pretty breathtaking knowing I have that power.

I want to be rememberd in this life. I want to leave my mark on this earth.
I feel I'm growing closer to people and I like that. It comforts me somewhat.


I made a new "100 list". If you haven't read my "100 things that bring me happiness", scroll down :) These lists make me feel so inspired and just have gratitude.


100 things I want to do in life:
1. read under a tree
2. explore a forest
3. start a collection
4. cry in the pouring rain
5. climb a mountain
6. sleep for a whole day
7. camp without a tent
8. touch a waterfall
9. waterskii
10. change someone's life
11. have a deep conversation with a complete stranger
12. go on a safari
13. cover my walls with photos
14. collect street signs
15. save someones life
16. go to an art gallery
17. swing on a rope into a lake
18. find the most beautiful rocks and save them
19. learn new & interesting things
20. swim with a dolphin
21. send a message in a bottle
22. go on a road trip across america
23. overcome a fear
24. flatten coins on a railroad track
25. build something on my own
26. go on a sailboat
27. learn to play the acoustic guitar & piano
28. find my "purpose" in life
29. go water rafting on a face-paced river
30. talk on the phone for 24 hours
31. go on a vacation with me and my closest friend
32. understand the world
33. have a portrait of myself sketched
34. walk beside the ocean
35. fall in love when i'm old...all over again to the same person
36. walk on an ocean pier at night
37. drive 100 mph
38. teach a college class
39. ride at least 25 ferris wheels, and take a picture on each
40. stay in touch with my best friends
41. touch the clouds
42. ride on a jet airplane
43. bunji jump
44. take a bubble bath with overflowing bubbles
45. pick my own fruit
46. scubadive
47. visit every country i can
48. find that "fairy-tale endings" are possible
49. open someone's mind to a new idea
50. take amazing photography
51. write and publish a book
52. tell someone exactly how i feel
53. eat at an outdoor restaurant at night
54. build my dream house
55. go to concerts of my favorite bands
56. give my time to charities
57. doing random acts of kindness
58. break a bad habit (or two)
59. dance in random places
60. have a huge book collection
61. inspire someone
62. be a member in the audience of a TV show
63. try something i wouldn't normally try
64. surf
65. draw graffiti on something
66. learn to say hello in 50 languages
67. drive a racecar
68. go on a cruise
69. build a sailboat in a bottle
70. expand my vocabulary
71. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
72. make a documentary
73. watch the sun go down
74. take up yoga
75. spend a night with every family member
76. stand under the eiffel tower
77. ride something bigger than a horse
78. travel by train
79. go on a hike
80. having a well-known blog
81. visit disney world (again)
82. say "i love you" as much as i say "like"
83. fast for a day
84. go for daily morning jogs
85. fall asleep on the beach
86. put on a show on a public bus
87. stand on the top of a skyscraper
88. ride the tallest rollercoaster
89. stand up for something i strongly believe in
90. wipe someones tears away
91. find/keep people who value my happiness
92. climb to the top of a tree
93. make a mixtape of my favorite songs of all-time
94. write a long letter
95. tell someone they are truly beautiful
96. go to a nude beach
97. watch a solar eclipse
98 paint a picture
99. buy personalized gifts for my family & friends in a tropical giftshop
100. be generally happy

-love

the sun doesn't shine just quite like it did that day.

100 things that bring me happiness: (no particular order):

1. laughing until i cry
2. laying while looking at the stars
3. feeling sand between my toes
4. photography
5. seeing people generally happy
6. inside jokes
7. acoustic music
8. tree climbing
9. inspiration
10. good books that make me feel a variety of emotions
11. lakes and oceans
12. rollercoasters
13. the smell of a bonfire
14. people who show me how much they care
15. car rides at nighttime
16. forests
17. laying on the grass
18. outerspace, the sun, moon and STARS
19. blogging
20. buying new clothes
21. restaurants
22. writing
23. swings
24. being alone without feeling lonely
25. being with people i love
26. deep conversations
27. meditation
28. being myself without holding back
29. helping someone and receiving thanks
30. rain and rainy days
31. hoodies
32. walks
33. learning new things
34. home videos
35. jetskiing
36. warm blankets
37. log cabins
38. thunderstorms
39. hugs
40. making funny videos
41. pranks
42. divine chaos
43. optimism
44. random acts of kindness
45. comedy shows
46. scented candles
47. excitable people
48. hardwood floors
49. accomplishing goals
50. discovering new bands
51. waking up fully rested
52. finding time to daydream
53. getting lost in my thoughts
54. memories and making them
55. making a difference in peoples' lives
56. feeling infinite
57. the smell of spring
58. bookstores & art galleries
59. windy summer days
60. swimming at night
61. free samples
62. christmas lights
63. watching lightning bugs and fireflies
64. the smell of new magazines
65. salt water fish
66. classic disney movies
67. seeing elderly people in love
68. childhood memories of playing for hours
69. hayrides
70. watching the sky
71. kayaking
72. wave pools
73. meeting new people
74. making a fool of myself in public
75. anything vintage
76. smiling at strangers and having them smile back
77. when people give me space at exactly the time i need it
78. incense
79. ocean shells
80. unexpected letters/texts/calls
81. the feeling after i've cried a long, hard cry
82. colorful markers
83. getting someone to understand me
84. waking up fully rested
85. stained glass windows
86. hot showers
87. tan lines
88. giving and receiving advice
89. stretching
90. old photographs
91. good dreams you don't want to awake from
92. people-watching
93. movies that leave you thinking about things
94. really good food
95. random cooking experiments
96. sarcasm
97. complete silence
98. things being organized
99. not having a plan & taking life as it comes
100. going to sleep knowing you had a good day

i'm starting a new thing, where i'm doing "100" lists. right now, i'm working on "100 things I want to do in life". It's been so inspiring and reflective. i'll post that one once i'm finished.

current moods: happy, disappointed, and tired.

at least i have happy in there. :)

i am very thankful for the people i have in my life. they honestly make me smile. i'm working on saying "i love you" as much as i say "like". HA! it's important. i love when people tell me that. especially when I KNOW for a fact that it's true. i don't believe in saying that three letter phrase unless there's meaning behind it. there's such a difference between loving someone, and caring about someone. a world of difference.

lovelovelove.

there's a force in the universe that makes things happen.

I'm lost in words. In what could be. In what we could make of what we are.

I attempted to organize things again, and I quickly gave up. The weird thing is, I hate for things to be disorganized and messy and it drives me crazy, yet I can let it stay like this. Hmm.

I miss the summer. How I would love to be camping right now.

There is a whole universe out there, and our earth is set so gently there, us on this planet, living. Odd. It sort of makes life worth while. It sort of makes me know there's more out there than just this. There's more to life than our problems. We're not here for no reason. I feel this so strongly.

I'm ready for whatever life brings me. I'm taking life as it comes lately. I'm trying not to be so controlling. I'm focusing on not worrying about anything, and just living. Just focusing on the universe and world, and knowing life is what we make of it.

In fact, it's just amazing to know we escape death daily. So many opportunities to die, as morbid and pessimistic as that sounds. But I don't mean it that way. I simply mean, we should be so happy we're here, breathing in this air. Sure, we go through the stresses of the day and encounter more than sometimes we think we can handle, but we're here. Look how much we have accomplished. The memories I hold onto are stronger than anything. And no one can ever take them away.

I wouldn't be surprised if this doesn't make a lot of sense, my thoughts are perhaps meant for me. I see things in a "different", or more abstract way.

The only way to fall is down.

much love. ♥

how the stars reflect in your eyes shows me possibilities.

I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. Some of those we'll never know. But we can always dream. We're all so different in our own ways, and we see things in a different light. But we want the same basic things out of life. Love. Happiness. Fun. And that's pretty cool if you think about it.

So I guess we will never know exactly how we all relate. In some weird way, we'll never know ourselves as well as we can. Things change, people change. I'm seeing myself go in different directions and contradicting my actions and words at all points. Sometimes I wonder why I say the things I say, or why the thoughts in my mind wander there out of nowhere. I'm not afraid of my future. I'm excited to go through the journey of life. Honestly, it excites me to know that God has my life all planned out for me, and if I follow Him, it will go exactly how I want it to go. I have that control.

And that doesn't scare me either. I'm a control freak to a certain extent. I really like, or have to be in control of things sometimes. And if I'm not, it irritates me. Well, that's one of my weaknesses but I guess it shows I have confidence in myself.

I'm very happy to call myself a good person. I'm not conceited. I don't think I'm perfect and I don't think so very highly of myself. But I'm happy with myself. There's a million things I wish to change about myself at times, but I'm aware that I'm not perfect. And I'm trying to change things. I think I'm a good friend. I try to be. And It's too hard for me to say goodbye to the people I love. Sometimes all I want is to be alone. And other times, I just want to spend my time with people. Sometimes I want someone to ask me "what's wrong?" and have them not take "nothing" for an answer. As cliche as that may sound.

I feel like I'm writing a novel of a post, but I have a lot to say, partly because I haven't written in a couple or few days.

Studying for exams the past couple of days has made my brain hurt. I don't like it.

News: I got my license. Well, I will officially be getting it tomorrow, but I passed my road test. Yay.

Everything makes sense after a while. Thinking about the significance of life gives me chills, and frankly, it makes everything worth while...

Choose who you want to be. Choose where you want to go, who you want to love, and what you stand for. It will all be worth it in the end. <3


love, truly, always.