You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be.
I know that I think a lot, and maybe I shouldn't overanalyze everything so much. It's just like it's beyond me. Sometimes I wonder if someone out there thinks the same things I do or in a similiar way. But I guess I will never know the answer to that, because it's pretty impossible to describe such thoughts.
I have said this in a previous post, and I want to say it again. We really do accept the love we think we deserve. It's just human nature, and as much as you try to make it something positive, I think we usually do accept less than we deserve. We shouldn't settle for love that we don't want. What I mean by that is, everyone wants love. Sometimes when we don't get a lot of love, we will accept the first little bit of love (or what we think is love) that comes our way and think that's what it should feel like to be truly loved. But there's so much more, so we shouldn't settle for less. This makes sense in my mind, so right now I'm wondering if it will make sense in yours; I know my thoughts are different than some peoples. Which is fine.
I'm seventeen now, and I have to say that I like it. It's just strange. This growing up thing, I don't feel pressured to be mature anymore. I just feel like I am. In some ways. I'll always be that goofy, child-like person. Always. I've come to that realization. But I feel mature in a different kind of way, like I'm not trying to be anyone else. I don't want to admit that, but it's true.
I feel like sleeping for a thousand years right now, just not existing for a bit. I don't mean to sound so morbid, because I don't mean it in that way. If you've ever felt like this, you know exactly what I mean, and I suspect you do.
I know some may think I'm delusional, but I can assure you that I can do the things I say I will do. I don't want to be conceited or sound like I think I'm overly great, because to be honest, I don't. I know that I'm just a girl who has the same power as anyone else. I don't believe when people say I'm amazing. I just say thank you and accept that, but never truly believe it. BUT I really do KNOW that I'm going to do great things. Do you know what it's like to KNOW something with everything in you? If not, I wish that for you. By "great things" I do not know exactly what things I'm talking about. I will tell you once I accomplish them. I believe in myself more than ever, and that comes from God. He's given me this wonderful opportunity to make a difference in some way. I wish I knew that now, but I will find out my purpose.
I want to say to you, dear reader, that you are beautiful. & I hope you believe that.
-Are you always this sad?
-Me: No. I'm not sad at all.
-Are you always this shy?
-Me: No!
-I think you're apprehensive.
-Me: No, I'm not.
-You're not?
-Me: No, I'm just tired.
I lied ^
Have you ever just sat there and thought about life, the big picture? I've done this, and I've totally forgotten about all the little things, just thought about this earth, my memories and past. My future. It's like therapy.
love love love
xo
-corb
