when you are with me, i'm free. i'm careless. i believe.

life isn't as complicated as you think. you see the destruction of these streets, and how people will say one evil thing, destroying everyone around them with their hatred. you feel your pain that wasn't deserved. you've heard uneasy quiet when all you wanted was someone's voice. you've been bombarded with the loud chaos of everything, when all you wanted was quiet. you know what's it's like to not know where to turn anymore. you have felt like you're fighting your own shadow, even though you know it's an impossible battle to win...you keep fighting, hoping with your heart to get somewhere. but it never happens. i know. but with all that complication, comes simplicity. all we need is love, to see the true value of the world, and all of that seems to slip away.

we're nothing. but someday you'll be a lot of things to me.

hope keeps me alive. that's all that's ever kept me alive.

you look at me and because you've seen me laugh, smile, and be still..you think you know me. but it's very possible that you'll never know my true thoughts and how i feel about this world. i'll never be able to explain it. it's very possible you'll never see the side of me that i wish to show the most. and maybe you will. and maybe with that, you'll love it, or not like it at all. it's all okay.

i confuse myself often. my emotions, my thoughts, feelings, they contradict at all points.

sometimes i can't help but feel helpless.

other times, i feel life being so complete.

and when i don't, i try so hard to get back to feeling complete.

it really is hard, having to feel emotions on such a deep level. feeling the energy of the world spin so fastly around you, and not knowing how to deal with it all.

all i know is, i'm ready for excitement.

the following words describe every piece of me: (feel free to skip over this section, or read it and i think you will like the quotes.)

-I need to know there's the kind of people out there who listen and understand, I need to know these kind of people exist.

-Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad.

-Sometimes people use thought to not participate in life.

-You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.

-It's kind of like when you look at yourself in the mirror and you say your name. And it gets to a point where none of it seems real. Well, sometimes, I can do that, but I don't need an hour in front of a mirror. It just happens very fast, and things start to slip away. And I just open my eyes, and I see nothing. And then I start to breathe really hard trying to see something, but I can't. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, it scares me.

-I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.

-I started at my reflection and the trees behind it for a long time. Not thinking anything. Not feeling anything. Not hearing the record. For hours. Something really is wrong with me. And I don't know what it is.

-If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me.

-I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s like all I can do is keep writing this gibberish to keep from breaking apart.

-I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have.

-But mostly, I was crying because I was suddenly very aware of the fact that it was me standing up in that tunnel with the wind over my face. Not caring if I saw downtown. Not even thinking about it. Because I was standing in the tunnel. And I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite.

I see these people, solely concentrated on what people think of them and how their actions and words are perceived. this makes me feel very bad for them, because those are the kind of people who will do anything to be accepted. and with that, they are usually unhappy people. don't do that. you make yourself a victim of your own chains. break free.

i would do anything for you to know that all i want is for you to be happy.

i'm trying this new thing... it's kind of like, if you want to be in my life... show it. I'm not going to
put forth the effort in talking to you if you can't do the same. so to you dear reader, if we know each other, let me know you care. because if you do, i'm sure you mean the world to me. i'm just seeing who cares enough to break through.

my father was a really good musician. i wish i was. maybe i have it somewhere inside me. well, my love for music is there. and that's why i believe mainstream music is so overrated. go beyond the things played on the radio. listen to some indie. listen to some guy playing his acoustic guitar and pouring his heart out. listen to the beat that you can't help but tap your foot to...because that's real music. real music is feeling the passion and the lyrics making more sense than anything else.

times, they are changing.

sometimes i need to write, something...anything, in order to feel some sense of wholesomeness. i guess that's just how it is, and there's nothing else i can do to feel this wholesomeness. it gives me an outer-body view, away from myself.

i was in the car, and i saw a broken soul today. i prayed for her, and i asked god to make her day just a little better.

this summer is coming to an end. it's been the fastest one yet. my senior year is starting and i'm trying my best to be excited and tell myself i'm prepared. even though the only way to fall is down, i'm not planning on falling at all. perhaps i'll trip, perhaps i'll stumble. but i always get myself back on track, and always will.

i don't know what to do about my life. there's so many decisions and risks and complication that comes on the way to being happy. i just wish i could be happy without having to go through unhappiness...it doesn't really make much sense. but i do it because i'm hoping it will all be worth it in the end.

can you believe you really are all i've ever wanted?

all of my love.
corbin.