I live to let you shine.

Keep me here, I believe.

If you'll be my star, I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me and come out at night
When I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine

let's go here, where the beaches are wide, and like another galaxy.

let's find a rock to settle on, and watch the stars become more prominent.

let's skyrocket away from here.

i'm going out to dinner, and then to my friend's house. for a happy new years:)

i've been listening to music for 4 hours straight. just thinking. and listening.

i can tell things are changing for me.

i have to believe that each day is going to be better than the last.

i have to believe good things will come.

everything falls into place eventually.

-i will be okay.

facing the truth...?

Currently listening to: New Slang by The Shins

Like indie music? I like indie music. Chill. Sort of a vintage feel.

I wish you could see this in full size.
I'm sorry.
Because it's full of inspiration.
I made this with photography that I love, just a collage of the stuff I like a lot!






I have a new "about me" section. Read :)

I love vintage photography.

everyone is running from something.

I am completely unaware of a lot of things,

let me just say that.

Well, I've been listening to acoustic/indie music and I feel so odd after I do. I don't know, it gives me this weird feeling on top of how I'm feeling now. Hmm.

I realized I need explanations for everything. I don't want to simply hear what you're saying, I want to know WHY you're saying it. The feelings behind it; the reasoning.

-I want to be the brightest firefly in your jar.

Is this true? I think everyone has something they're running from or trying to escape from. Some sort of fear. I guess I have things I'm running from as well. Well, I believe sometimes we shouldn't run away from the things we are afraid of, but face them, because sometimes the things we are most afraid of are the things we need most in our lives.

I believe that.

--> I have a lot of pictures, and this one is probably my favorite. I love it so much. <--

I HATE being ignored, and that is how I'm feeling. I'm having one of those "depressed" days. Ahh, let's not go that far. I'm just not having the best emotional day. I have reasons though. I always do. People are disappointing me, and letting me down. I need people so much at times, and it seems like that's when they leave, when I need them the most.

All you have to do to be significant to me is love me, make me laugh, show me you care, and be here for me.

Is there more people out there who hold these qualities? I need to know these sort of people exist out there. I need to know I'm not absent of this. And I'm not.

I feel like I'm writing a novel of a blog right now.

Well, I have to say...I had a few views on my blog lately and it makes Corbin pretty happy :) I just feel like I have a lot to say, and I like being able to write my thoughts. I'm not coy about people knowing what I'm thinking.

Ohh... just FYI, the comments on my posts do not show up, so if you would like to leave a comment, that would be great, but they don't go on my blog publicly.

I wish I was there ^

lovelovelove.

what you may not know...

I'm not you.

You're not me.

And sense I'm pointing out the obvious, let me just say: I love this.

-i'm a complete nerd.
-i like to learn new things;

i wish i was super smart.
-i love music;

the kind that reminds me of things i love.
-i love acoustic songs
-rainy days are so uplifting
-i love God;

because He always helps me through things

-i watch national geographic;
-i like to read
-i like philosophy & psychology;

a lot
-i like to be alone a lot, but i'm not lonely

-i'm scared of losing people
-nature completely amazes & captures me
-i get upset about the smallest things that hurt me;

and i wish i didn't.

-sometimes i think i care too much

-i am shy;

although i can be very loud
-i'm way to indecisive to have a favorite color;

the colors i love are rare ones.

-i really don't know who i am;

but i know what i want out of life.

-ask me to help you and i will be right there.

-i'm changing a lot lately;

and i love it.

because i like myself, but i feel it's natural change;

that i can get used to.

simplicity captures me.

I love the scenery of a dark night with bright lights. I love the sound of a piano, playing a song that reminds me of a summer night. Laying restlessly, upon a lake. Sounds so cliche`, huh?
No. Not for me.
Everything I do, it never seems just right. This artificial world, watches us endlessly. And still, we continue to breathe, and feel the sensations of something real. Life is more than a struggle. There's something more, I just know it.
You know that feeling, where you KNOW 100%...that something you're feeling is right...and you can never explain it in words? Language truly fails in some cases.

I love the ocean. I love rain. I love simple smells. I love warm and cold on my tongue. I love the sun on my skin. I love the feeling of leaves simple structures.
I love how I can feel God's presence sometimes.

Time will never be what my clock says. It goes way too fast when all you want is a moment to treasure. And way to slow when you're waiting so desperately.

I got a book today, it's called "The Lovely Bones". It was made into a movie which is coming out soon. I would like to see it, but first, I want to read the book. I have another book to read, which I'm halfway done with. I don't understand how someone couldn't get lost in a book. It's so charming; its simplicity captures me. All of the simple things in life capture me, and hold a place in my heart.

Let's get lost.

Sometimes things are far too confusing. Although, captivating.

don't forget me.

I miss my past; and the people in it. I'm moving forward, and the memories are being left behind...

More memories are being made.

And that alone, takes my breath away.

Overall, I'm happy. And boy, am I hapy to say that! 2009, I will be missing you. This year, I have learned SO much. And grew up a lot. Almost 17 years have gone by in this life, and all I have is gratitude. I have met so many amazing people. I have lost people, too.

My new years resolutions:

-Take road test to get license if not already done

-Volunteer

-Look for a job

-Meet new people

I get lost in music all the time. It makes me feel...infinite.

I'm listening to Making April right now, and amazing band that makes me feel like I'm flying.

Here's some of the lyrics that I can relate to totally.

I've been told to remember
Keep your lemur eyes wide
Someday you'll make a life of this
So carry on, carry on
But i've become so offenseless
Despite these weapons i bear
Have we toned up our finest
Or did we take this

Too Far down
The road you know i'm scared to go down
I'm waking up anxious to lay back down
'Cause all i can do here is wait
Just wait, i'll hurry up and wait

Well i can't read her expression
'Cause man this vixen she's sly
As she keeps me suspended
I've lost all control of this flight
Hiiii yeaaahhh yeaaahhh
We've ravaged our chances to shine
Would you take what i'm giving to you or did i take this
Did we take this

Too far down
The road you know i'm scared to go down
I'm waking up anxious to lay back down
'Cause all i can do here is wait, just you wait
[Hurry Up And Wait Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com]

So have it your way
I know you'll be watching with gallant eyes
As we shake the wreckage
And break from these hauntingly silent niiiiiights
Break from these silent nights
Will this take forever?
We might have a shot if we'd stray
But what's another day

Of hurry up and wait
Hurry up and wait
Hurry up and waaaaait
It's all that you can do now

Ah. Love <3

goodbye 2009.

2009 IS ALMOST OVER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Stayed single almost the whole year? YES.

Were involved in something you'll never forget? MANY.

Tripped over a coffee table? HAHA, PROBABLY.

Came close to losing your life? I DON'T THINK SOO.

Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live? NO, I WISH.

2009: Friends and Enemies

Did you meet any new friends this year? YEP (:

Did you hate anyone? YES.

2009: Your BIRTHDAY!

Did you have a cake? YEAH!

Did you get any presents? I DID.

2009: All about YOU

Did you change at all this year? YEAH, IN A LOT OF WAYS.

Did you change your style? I DON'T KNOW.

Were you in school? YEPPERS.

Did you get good grades? EEEK, NOT REALLY.

Did you drive? SURE DID.

Did you own a car? YES.

Did anyone close to you give birth? NO.

Did you go on any vacations? NOT REALLY. :(

Would you change anything about yourself now? NO WAY.

2009: Wrap UP:

Was 2009 a good year? OVERALL (:

Do you think 2010 will top 2009? YEAH, I HOPE SO.

IN THE YEAR 2009 I CONFESS THAT I....

Had your heart broken? NOPE.

Painted a picture? DON'T THINK SO.

Wrote a poem? YEAH.

Ran a mile? HECK NOO!

Visited a foreign country? NOPE.

Cut in a line of waiting people? HA, MOST LIKELY.

Told someone you were busy when you weren't? YEAH.

Cooked a disastrous meal? NOT REALLY.

Lied about how old you were? I DON'T THINK?

IN 2009 I....

Broke a promise? YES.

Lied? YES.

Disappointed someone close? PROBABLY. :(

Hid a secret? YES.

Pretended to be happy? YAHHH.

Slept under the stars? NOT NECCESSARILY.

Met someone who changed your life? MANY.

Changed your outlook on life? SOOO MUCH.

Sat home all day doing nothing? YEAH, I HATE THAT.

Lost something expensive? NOPE.

Learned something new about yourself? MANY THINGS.

Tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it? YEAH.

Made a change in your life? MANY.

Found out who your true friends were? YES!

Met great people? YEAH :)

Stayed up til sunrise? I HAVE.

Cried over the silliest thing? HA, A FEW TIMES.

Had friends who were drifting away from you? OH YES.

Spent most of your money on food? A LOT OF IT, AHA.

Gotten sick? MHM.

Liked more than 5 people at the same time? NOPE.

Became closer with a lot of people? YES!

defeated.

Is it me? Is it me that drives people away? My good mood is getting trampled over...
If one more person ignores me, it's not going to go well...
I feel so defeated. & I don't feel like this often. I'm in one of those moods where I don't want to talk to anyone. I just wish people could feel the same pain they cause me. Just one time, so they would know. Although, I would never intentionally give that pain to them.

Well, I'm not going to give in anymore. I'm not going to be the first to apologize for nothing. I'm not going to try to make things better, when I'm not getting the same kind of effort in return. It gets old. I just can't let it go.

These times are like no other.

-Chase your dreams and never let them go.



Just for one moment unlike the rest,
we can say we tried our best
the blue sky, the sunrise
it's all the space in between,
As we leave behind this tragic scene.
-Corbin

I Reccomend:
Making april- i wrote this song
the early november- decoration
copeland- brightest
racing kites- oceans
you me and everyone we know- carolina heat
here among wolves- the sea gave up

But then again, I have a different sense of music than you probably have. It's simple music. If you're looking for something acoustic, and more relaxing, try listening to making april (i wrote this song), copeland (brightest), and carolina heat.
If you're looking for a punk flare, try the early november.
Something uplifting, try racing kites.
Something hardcore, here among wolves.

Give them a listen. Let me know what you think.

we have the capacity to carry on.

Corbin says...
Life is never just simple. Things go wrong so we can appreciate them when they're right.
"People are people, and sometimes we change our minds." Time passes, and even though we may struggle, there are always, always, ways to overcome anything. You just have to have to determination to prove everyone wrong and to stop doubting yourself.
When you feel like you can't breathe, remember we have lungs and the capacity to carry on.
When you feel like you can't take it anymore, remember we have hearts that don't stop beating until it's ready to stop...

I had an okay christmas. I spent time with family, and got some things I wanted too... ;)

I feel a little bit distracted from what I should be focused on...I don't even know exactly what I should be focused on...living life to its fullest, I suppose.

I keep contemplating, and it's not easy for me not to.

I don't like knowing people are drifting away from me...it's hard. When I love someone, I really love someone, and I don't want them to go away from me. It's a fear that I have. And when it happens, it hurts me a lot. Are my expectations for people too high? The good thing is, even though I've lost people, and people are drifting away from me...I've gained people and am moving closer to some.

I need to have fun. I can't keep sitting here, I'm going to explode.

I know one thing; God loves you. & so does Corbin.

the voices of life...

I think a lot of things are here to remind us of who we are.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

I have said this before, and in my previous post, and I will say it again; I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I'm still trying to figure out how this could be.

I need to know that I'm myself under all of this. I need to know that under my smiles and true happiness, there is sadness I've yet to overcome. And I'm trying. Sometimes I can't stop smiling. Sometimes I just want to cry out of nowhere. I never stop feeling infinite, I never stop feeling strange in some sort of way. This is God's way of telling me I'm ALIVE. As simple as breathing makes me feel exhilirated.

Please never take for granted the ability to laugh, to cry, to hug someone dear. Death is simply not an option in my life before I've had an opportunity to prove myself. Literal death, or metaphorical death. I refuse to be jaded, I refuse to be defeated. I'm too strong. I've come too far.

Sometimes things are way too quiet, and all I need to hear is the simple voice of one human being. Other times, I can't enough silence, and that's all I want to imagine.

If you ever find yourself on my side of the world, I hope you'd stop by.

Somehow, I'm going to find my place in this world. Somehow, I'm going to make my mark on this earth.

Hold me for as long as you want, and I'll be hoping you'll want to hold me forever. Hold me as tight as you can, and I'll be hoping you can hold me as tight as your arms will let you.
-Corbin

I can't stand people who don't listen to me. At least try to understand me. At least give me a few words of wisdom when I can't take something anymore.

I've had a boring christmas break so far, and I'm hoping it gets better very soon.

Happy birthday, Jesus. Happy Birthday.

lovelovelove.

I can hear the voices of life saying, "we're waiting. this is the moment."

silence.

I cannot believe my time is over, because I have too many dreams I've yet to pursue. Everything fits so perfectly together, and it's almost hard to believe. It's hard to comprehend the way the wind blows, and how the earth knows to change seasons each and every year, folding into decades and centuries. It's weird to be to think everything is here coincidently or by chance. How can people believe all these miracles...just for someone to breathe...is all made for nothing and by no one? These times, they fly by, and we never remember to appreciate this while we're in the moment. Only while looking back are we able to see the importance in the small moments.
And for the next moments of my life, I'm going to remain silent.

Currently wanting: christmas, frappicino, new friendships.

So...,this is my life.

Yes.

And I'm still trying to figure out just where I fit into, and who I'm going to be.

Let's enjoy this moment, for it will never pass again.

I just need to know that someone in the world cares about me in general, and will love me through everything. I need to know these people exist.

Sometimes people tell me things will be okay, and I forget to hear them, let alone believe them.

People accept being unhappy, and going nowhere...how can they do that? When we have so much potential just waiting to escape from us.
Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine myself somewhere that doesn't exist. Then I think, maybe I don't even exist. It's all too much. And when I look into the mirror, it all doesn't seem like reality. I'm not even sure if I know what reality is, or if it's real at all. The irony in this...is almost impeccable.

We have the ability to feel INFINITE.
We have the power.
All we need is the drive and the faith.

Sometimes life is too simple for people to understand, and we mistake it for complex.
A concept we are unable to understand. Look at the big picture and you'll realize how small all this is.

closing my eyes.

Well well well,
Here I am again.
Everything is so beautiful...

Who I really am:
I am a complex person. You will never figure me out completely. I have way too many opinions and views on things that will never really matter. I am complicated, and care about more things than what clothes look best on my figure. I am original, I don't change myself for the acceptance of others. This is me. I'm not the same as most.
I promise, I'll be the best friend you have if you let me be. I'll show you all the love in the world if you show me the smallest amount. I truly care about people I get to know. If you don't consider my feelings, I won't take it lightly. I hold people I love up to a high standard.
I can be sooo crazy, and loud, and obnoxious. It's not something I'm proud of. But it's me. Other times, I'm super shy and quiet. Most of the time, not so much.
I do try to listen more than I speak. [Doesn't always happen,...haha.]


I am finishing up my "quote wall" in my bedroom. I cut papers out and wrote different sayings and motivational quotes and hung them up. I added photography too, and it all is there to simply inspire me. Enlightenment.

My thoughts wander endlessly.

Here's a song I just wrote on the spot, and it means a lot to me. Hope you like it.

CLOSING MY EYES
Now I'm closing my eyes
And I,
I'm watching this time fly by
I think of you,
and now, I'm closing my eyes
Just watching myself cry
When I dream, I still return to you
And I,
I'm watching you cry
My heart is not the first to be broken
Your mind is not the first to go unspoken
Just before these times
I'm closing my eyes

Chorus:
You, with your hand around that trigger
I have the same fears as you
But your, your problems are so much bigger
You, with your hands covered in lies
Still, we never got to say our goodbyes
You, with your demons fighting against you
I wish it wasn't this way because,
You'll always be the person I never knew

Right now I'm closing my eyes
And I,
I'm watching your life fly by
Yeah, she's closing her eyes
You'll always be, always be,
someone in a disguise.
These dreams, they still return to you
And I,
I'm watching you die.
My heart is not the first to be broken
Your mind is not the first to go unspoken
I'm still not alive,
so I'm closing my eyes

Chorus

I don't know my reality,
Without you, I don't know who to be.
These moments, will never be sensationalized.
so I'm closing my eyes.

I can feel the world at my fingertips.

Just like that bird with broken wings,

He whistles so quietly but longs to sing.

A broken guitar with a need to be played,

The person who once strummed it but didn't stay.

We recognize these things that once made us laugh,

Like counting the notes on a music staff.

And then we remember those things that once made us cry,

We learn to accept the flaws and swallow them with pride.

People become able to handle disappointment as it follows us with ease,

But never will we adapt to the time we have left to believe.

As these leaves fall down as they do just like our memories,

The time becomes shortened, we abandon this forest of trees.

It's weird to me that I can write so aimlessly, without a point to a poem... but these things make all the sense in the world to me.

I'm learning more everyday. I have quotes all over my room, inspirational pictures, motivational sentences. It helps me. I love knowing what life is TRULY about. I guess I'll never have all of the answers, will I? But I'm going to know enough to have a happy life. And I love that. I guess I love not knowing what life will bring for me, but laughter and happiness. Struggles, sure...they will pass. I don't focus on that. I'm not blinded, though, I just choose to focus on the good. I still see the negative, but I'm not going to dwell on it.

“love builds up the broken wall

and straigtens the crooked path.

love keeps the stars in the firmament

and imposes rhythm on te ocean tides

each of us is created of it

and i suspect

each of us was created for it”

-Anonymous

lovelovelove.

one last night at the lonely wheel.

-I'm the kind of person who thinks there are many forms of art, some which others would never consider art or beauty.

Yes, the snow is here, and the wind is active... I guess it's not all that bad. Winter, I don't hate you. I am on my way to loving you, actually.

Some things are getting better.

All that I'm after is a life of laughter, a life of beauty and endless possibilities. Wow, I guess as I'm writing what I want I'm starting to see that it really is reachable.
Life is so parishable; everything in it. If you think about it, nothing lasts forever but our souls, so what should be most important?

I think people who talk about their dreams are beautiful. I think the people who make others happy make themselves happy essentially.



People are so quick to see my insecurities, my weaknesses... I wish they could look past my flaws, and see the person I really am. That's partly my fault, because I guess I do have a hard time showing my true self sometimes. It's just difficult to trust people, hard to put everything out there and have the fear of them not caring.



If you're sick of worrying, of living the life you don't want...ask God for complete bliss through him. Right now. He's waiting. I promise.

lovelovelove.

contemplation.

I guess things are changing. It seems like things are changing so fastly, like if I blink I'll miss something desperately important. Yet so slow, like I just can't wait for things to change.
Hmm...

I want to live in North Carolina someday.
I don't believe you can ever dream too big, and this dream...is just something waiting to happen.


I believe good comes out of everything eventually.
Sometimes I do feel like things are so hard to overcome. Like the ocean waves are slowly pulling me under. And I'm too strong to drown. I promise. I am.

I am a fan of philosophy and things like that. And I've learned a lot lately. Below is some thoughts I'm trying to bring into my life. I hope you can take something away from it too.

Excuses are the one thing that hold you back the most. (It's going to take too long, I can't do it...etc.)
Well, anything's possible with your effort through GOD!
Set your mind to a new way of thinking about things.
This doesn't mean pain is going to go away immediately. It means positivity will find a way into your life.
You have to start saying, "I can handle this. The solution will find its way to me."
All excuses are misalignments.

Contemplation: the highest form of activity. -Arestotle.
Meaning...what you think isn't just a random thought that pops in your head for no reason. It's not a passive idea or thought.
What you think, you are putting into action. Thoughts are like things that begin materialization.
If you contemplate thoughts that match the original spirit (God), you have the same power as that source.

You CAN allow your FALSE-SELF to be defeated.

Practice contemplation which you intend to manifest.
Then detach from it, and let it go.

How willing are you to attract in your life what you want?
WILLINGNESS means surrendering, letting go, and letting GOD!

"Arrange whatever pieces come your way."

Just one person. To take my endless thoughts away...to smile...and mean every word they say. Just one person. Just one. That will tell me they appreciate me for who I am. One. Who will support every turn I take. Who will call me when they have a feeling I'm not okay. Who will laugh at the things that aren't really funny. Who will tell me nothing I could say or do will every change their mind about me.

Please...tell me I deserve that. Just one person. A friend. Not just any friend, like the many I have now...but a true, a real, a forever friend. Make your way to me.

Believe in what you can achieve! Go for what you want! It's possible only in your eyes!

My dream...to travel the world.

The people who say it's not possible... choose to live in the shadows!

lessons learned.

I have learned lately...
1. people are mean and will stop at nothing to make you feel worse.
2. there ARE good people out there who will smile when you need it.
3. thoughts overrise true emotion.
4. actions speak louder than words.
5. you have to choose to change any/every aspect of your life.

and much more.

endless skies desperately waiting

Do whatever makes you happy.

After going through a lot lately, I'm ready to face the world with a new attitude. I'm focusing on my personal happiness.
I'm not going to hold myself back, and I'm not going to let anyone hold me back.

dreams are possible to reach.

And still, sometimes I get so confused... what to do with myself and who to be. Why I'm in certain situations.

It doesn't matter.

All that matters is me living my life to its fullest potential.

Riding away from all the madness around me.

It's almost that time again. Thanksgiving. I love this time of year. Having only two days of school this week makes my life easier.

One of my downfalls: I always feel like everyone has to like me. And if they don't, I find a way to make it seem like it's my fault, when reality is telling me that not everyone can like one person. I hate that.

I love you.

Who says I can't be free?

I'm listening to "who says" by John Mayer on repeat...there's something about it that relaxes me.
This is a part of it:
"Who says I can’t get stoned?
Turn off the lights and the telephone
Me and my house alone
Who says I can’t get stoned?
Who says I can’t be free?
From all of the things that I used to be
Re-write my history
Who says I can’t be free?
It’s been a long night in New York City
It’s been a long night in Baton Rouge
I don’t remember you looking any better
But then again I don’t remember you."

This kind of inspires me. Who says I can't wake up tomorrow and be a completely different person? Re-write this story called life. Do everything I want to. Be who I want to be.

I'm not the type of person who likes to alone often. I wish right now that I had someone to keep me company. Someone my age at least. But you know, maybe it's okay. Maybe I can take some time to think about things...

And again, I replay this song.

I am feeling isolated. Sometimes it's like, what am I doing wrong in life?
You know...?



I love people in general, but sometimes I can't stand being around the people I'm surrounded by. Maybe it's me, I don't know. I try seeing good in everyone, but sometimes it's so so deep down that it takes a special person to be able to see. I want to be that person, I do.

I'm not a serious person most of the time. I mean, I can be but I am usually laughing and joking. It just makes life better to me. It makes me smile :)

I don't know what I want. It's that simple.