a bit of everything,

these things below are things i've written in previous posts that i really like. because they describe my thoughts perfectly. perhaps you remember reading some of these excerpts.

Life is this amazing thing that no one can explain in words... sometimes I get lost in that beauty.

The worry, the strain, it's not worth it, it's wasteful. When we could be happy. There's no point in contemplating too much about something when everything always will be okay. In some way. It will.

Our options and possibilities are endless.

Wherever I go in this life, whatever I may accomplish, I just want to sparkle. I want everything to shine around me.

I see it as, you can get to the point you want to be at, no matter how you got there or whatever got in your way. Our past doesn't determine our future.

there's those intoxicating moments that you know you'll never get back. so you just feel. and take in the moment, wishing it would never go away. but deep inside, you know it will end.

Have you ever felt so far away from yourself? Yet so closely related to what's around you?

in some sort of way, i'm just content.

sometimes the people around us can't see who we really are. why is that? even though they can’t see and refuse to see all of the good things you do and have to offer…doesn’t mean they don’t happen or exist.

greatness can be found in the strangest places. i see it all the time, and i wish i could see it more. because honestly, it exists everywhere we look. the small smiles and hopes people hold. i'm amazed. it shows me how much i really have to learn, and how much better of a person i'm capable of being. i feel i need to hold on to the greatness i know the world has, even though i sometimes don't see it.

at the end of my life, i want to know i'm remembered. i want to know that i brought smiles to people's faces. i want to touch people's hearts. it's sort of scary to think about how much better i could be. i'm working on that. yes, i believe i'm a good person. i really do. but i could be much better.

i'm here to smile. though i can't promise tears will never exist.

it's becoming clear to me how much some things really are changing. and how i'm trying to find all these ways to adapt. i can't change my past, so i don't worry about it. i can't control my future 100%, so i try to take life as it comes. i try not to look at things as "bad" or "good" but just neutral. i have had issues, but i don't see them as bad things. nor good things. i just see them. and appreciate them. does that make any sort of sense?

The people who live their lives with hatred, need the most love. Because those who live their lives with hostility are the ones who are searching for the most love.

sometimes i like to cry. one of those feelings you get out of nowhere. where you're just thinking about all of the good and bad things, everything in between, life moments, and everything just seems to hold beauty. it's not like i had a reason to cry last night, it just came out. i was holding onto memories, and it just felt right

this true? I think everyone has something they're running from or trying to escape from. Some sort of fear. I guess I have things I'm running from as well. Well, I believe sometimes we shouldn't run away from the things we are afraid of, but face them, because sometimes the things we are most afraid of are the things we need most in our lives.

I believe that.

i've been waiting for my dreams to turn into something i could believe in,

I promise I'm more than a hopeless person.
I believe there's something in me worth keeping.
...And you should believe that about yourself too.

I'm realizing...I have more power than I know. Or have ever known. Things have been more difficult for me than I thought I was capable of dealing with. Yesterday I completely broke down. More than I ever have. I cried the hardest cry I had been holding in. Seeing myself like that completely scared me. Truth be told... I wasn't okay. And I'm not sure when these wounds will completely heal.

 Like I said before, I scare myself. Sometimes the world crashes down around me, and I feel so broken and scarred, unaware of how I will get myself out of the hole I'm in. I've felt more pain that I'd ever wish upon anyone. I can't see myself like that ever again. I can't.

BUT. I'm really one of the strongest people I know. That's why I'd take the pain for anyone. Because I feel I'm more capable of dealing with it, and I'd rather see myself hurt than them. Just know, I can't always be strong. We all have to break down at times, I believe. I am an optimistic person, and I am very thankful for that. But when so much is going on around me, I can't be that person. I think pain is neccessary for growth. Sometimes the world just gets in our way.

Sometimes when we're going through a lot, I think it's hard to do anything. Your mind is just everywhere, and we don't have the control we want because the water is pulling us under. Well, I refuse to drown. I kept telling myself, "Tomorrow I'll be happy" or "I'll be happy once I get through this." I can't do that. We can't. We have to choose to be happy at the exact moment we're in. That's when good is capable of coming into our lives.

I now know once I start to love someone there's nothing that could ever happen to make me unlove them in any way. That's the kind of love I want people to show me. Unconditional love. It's the only kind that truly exists.

I want to tell anyone who is reading this, if you ever feel breathless, I want you to come running into my arms. And know I'll be here for you to cry as long as you want. We can just sit here and not talk at all, because sometimes I feel that's what I need. I want to be that to someone.

I really wanted to include these things that people have written to me recently. Because they really mean so much to me. I feel like I can read them and feel a sense of comfort, and I'll never be able to say thank you like I want to say it in my mind. So please, just understand how thankful I am. To you people who I have included quotes from you to me, you are more amazing than I'll ever be. ♥ :

wow...amazing..i consider corbin as my inspiration motivation and admire her so dearly...i envy her so..well spoken and kind..i am sheddin happy tears for you corbin...i so blessingly love you and your whole fam...xoxo

I admire you so...and remember showing your true feelings is not a sign of weakness...and never be who others what you to be or do what they want to see...you a unique person..be true to yourself always by showing who you truly are..the good, bad, happy, sad, angry, depressed, joyful person that God created...

went to the blog again.As always amazing.You are so mature beyond your years.I love and respect all the things you stand for.You alwas lift my spirits and make me smile no matter how sad I am.Thank God he put you in my life.Xoxo

Life is difficult,life sometimes sucks, and not fair, but we live in a unfair world, Take all that you learn, common since,uncommon knowledge, book smarts, It still doesn't add up to how you feel inside......Be you, and always live by that...........

The most important thing that you need to know is your at school for a reason to learn ,you have to take all that you learn and then use that to overcome any petty problems,kids are not kind they don't have your understanding and wisdom so don't lose your focus.. you will get thru this, it will have an effect on your life, good or bad it's up to you, take control of your future, because you can and you will, Kim and I just thinks the world of you..Support is everything ......

you trully have a beautiful soul............

everyone at one point in thier lives feel's sadness there's no two way's around it... no matter how hard we try...your so inspiring to all of us and that's alot on such small shoulder's..but know this you have purpose in life grab ahold of it and run with it..have a great life.....

Corbin you are so wise beyond your years.You are going to do great things in your life.Never give up on yourself.God will guide you and be there for you always.You truly bless me.So glad you are a part of my life.I want to see all the marvelous things that you do.I love you more than I could ever say.XOXO

To one person who doesn't have a quote to me above, I have something to say to you (I hope you know who you are and read this some day. You all don't have to read this. It's meant for one person.) :

You are everything to me, my best friend. I have seen the worst and best in you, and even at your worst, I've seen more beauty than I've seen in anyone. I wish for you everything. I would do anything for you, I would cover myself in gasoline and jump into a fire if it meant you not feeling pain. I hope you believe that. Throughout our lives, we have been together nonstop. It scares me how much we are alike, yet we're so different. I apologize so deeply for ever hurting you in any way. I would take it all back if I could. I know we can't always get along and always agree, but I've never stopped loving you any less. It hurts me sometimes when I look at you to be honest. I want you to be your happiest self. I hide a lot of my emotions from you, and I think in my head that's me protecting you. I don't want you to see me sad for you. Inside I'm torn apart for you sometimes. I can't show that, and I'm sorry. I just would rather show happiness, even if it's not real. Does that make sense? But I usually am happy. You are the funniest person I know, honestly. And I know you can be SO much. You're different than ANYONE I've ever met, and have so much potential in this life. Please believe this, because I would never lie about something like that. I know you can do more than you'll ever know in this life. I know it. I want you to know that whatever happens in life is not going to slow you down, but accelerate you. The negative things in our lives can be positive in the longrun. If I could give you any advice, it would be to never let anything hold you down. Believe in yourself and know that nothing could ever happen to make your life less than it could be. Please remember to be happy through everything. Sometimes God gives us situations to make us stronger and for a purpose. Throughout everything I've been through, there was always something good that came of it, and I hope you can see that too. It made my life 100% better. It's hard to see sometimes, but if we can see it, it makes us one of those people who are rare and unique, and that's amazing. I'm not someone who is deserving of giving you any kind of advice but if one word I say can help you, I'll try. Even though I'm not sure if I have that kind of power. I want to end this on a happy note, because I think you're one of the easiest people to talk to. I know that whenever I tell you something bad that happens to me, you always find a way to reassure me and say something to turn it positive. I think we can be that for each other. I'm sorry this is so long, but I really have a lot to say. Also, I know that we are in each others lives for the biggest purpose I will ever have in my life. I always know what you're talking about or even thinking, and I think I know you better than a lot of people, whether you think so or not. I know I can be annoying sometimes or come off as rude, but I say things for a reason, sometimes not for a good one, but with most of the things I say, I mean with good intentions. It just doesn't come out that way sometimes. I guess that's the problem with me.

Basically, I want to say, you are forever my only best friend, my number one, and the only thing I'll ALWAYS have. I'll always be here for you, I want you to be able to tell me anything. And I'll always be on your side.

sometimes i want to paint my face...

If I could say anything, it would be that bad things happen to good people all the time. Sometimes the most horrible things can turn into great things. I know it's hard to believe. Sometimes it's hard to see through all of the detrimental things. But we have to be one of those RARE people who don't get depressed about the bad things that happen to us. I wish for you that you're able to move on with your life, that you're able to love again even stronger, and able to not let it slow you down, but accelerate you.

Whatever it is.

Sometimes I'm not sure what the next day will bring for me, and it scares me.

Quick Story: I thought I was going to take a shower this morning, but I found myself just sitting there in the tub crying. My headphones were in, and the world was spinning around me, ready to crash in at any second.

I don't want to ever do that again.

Sometimes I scare myself.

I think we should all be our happiest selves. Whether we're making someone mad, disappointing someone, or making someone laugh. It doesn't matter. We should live our lives with happiness and kindness to everyone we come in contact with, though it's easier said than done. I'm with you there, reader.

 Sorry I haven't showed you the side of me that's broken. I smile in front of you because I think it's what you need. But inside, I'm torn apart for you.

I don't know how to make everything better. The truth is, I need to learn that I can't change everything that happens. I like to just let things happen. I'm not really a planner. But I don't like unpredictability.

I dreamed I was in a room and it kept moving and spinning, but I wasn't sure if it really was. I thought it was in my head in my dream. And I was asking people if they noticed it too. Then in this dream I said, "what if this never stops? what if this keeps spinning and we just have to deal with this forever?" Literally forever I was talking about. Neverending spinning and there would be nothing I could do about it.

-Why can't I just have normal dreams that don't mess with my head?

my strength: i see the beauty in every situation and every person

my weakness: sometimes i can't take things so much that i wake in the middle of the night shaking and crying.

but i'd never tell anyone that.

well....i kind of just did, didn't i?

I went home from school early. At lunch I started crying, shaking, and breathing heavily and I'm mad that I let my friends see me like that. They are supportive and such good friends to me, but they don't understand the slightest bit how I feel. So I wish they would stop saying that. When I feel like this, nothing matters. I stop caring about eating, homework...etc. Because everything else, all the negative things, just seems to overweigh it all and become the most important thing.

I bet you've never seen this side of me. Because I haven't either.

love.