all you have to do is stop thinking about things, let things happen.

I'm a fan of anything beautiful, including photography and art. Including this world, including the beautiful people our world holds. I believe there's more to life than what we know now.

I am glad last week has ended, and a new one is about to start. Last week was really hard for me. I was going through a lot of emotions and I can't say I had a smile through it all. Which is fine. I don't think anyone should FORCE themselves to be happy all the time. Sometimes we just have to accept how we're feeling and deal with the emotions we have at that time. Then later, we can work on how to fix it. Then we can be happy again!

I want to give motivational speeches in this lifetime. Much later in my life, obviously. I love helping people through things, I believe inspiration is all we need sometimes. I will do this.

I don't know how to take people drifting away from me. I get attached to people I love too much. Is it possible to care too much? Sometimes I think it is. I can't just watch them getting further away from me. Don't say we are going to be friends forever and tell me how much you care about me if you're actions are going to show otherwise. Seriously, actions speak louder than words. Always.

Lately I've been so oddly reserved. That's so not me. It sort of scares me. Change doesn't scare me, the fact that I'm becoming someone new does. I would love for some of the things in my life and some things about myself to change (who wouldn't?), but when I'm starting to become a different person that I don't want to be...that's a problem with me. Maybe it's just a phase of my life I have to get by...

when i lose you,

i lose every part of me

the truth of our being will shine through

and you'll see

i'm nothing without you.

just to close my eyes and breathe in the air. how amazing. to know god has everything planned out for me, to know he is changing the negative aspects of my life, and showing me all of the positive. i just have to believe that and focus on that. and my life is going to get back on track.

suddenly i understand everything i couldn't comprehend,

Maybe I do expect too much out of people. You're going to see a lot of random sentences/thoughts in this post. My life has been turning in circles this week, and I'm just ready for it to end. Let me just say: I love miraculous people who make our world better. The smallest things make the biggest difference in my eyes. I really want a rainy day. You don't see that in winter like you do in spring. I care a lot about the people in my life. I get attached to people easily. I'm not sure why. I do though. I find myself missing my friends when I'm not with them lately. If you knew how I am, you'd find that surprising because as much as I love being with people, I get annoyed with them after awhile. But I'm thankful to have found the amazing people who I could spend every moment with and never get annoyed or bored. I want someone who knows what I'm talking about even when I don't. I want people who will wipe my tears away. I want someone who thinks like I do, and who isn't involved in the drama that I try not to face. I really need to know these kind of people exist. I find comfort in feeling protected and like I am able to take care of people, and be taken care of.
Stability in my life right now would be great.



You know what feels good telling someone?
"Im so proud of you."
I told someone that yesterday, and I was so glad I did, because after they said "thank you so much. it's been so long since someone has told me that." And that made me so happy, yet so sad. Happy because I wanted to be that person to make them feel better. But sad because everyone deserves to hear that. Especially the people who try to do the right thing so much. And who are the kind of people who make you proud to know them.

Michigan, you suck. I've been searching for the stars and they're just shy of coming out for Corbin to see.

As tough as it's been lately, I'll admit things are getting better. I sometimes wonder if it's better for myself to think about my problems in hope of my mind sorting them out, or if it's better to just not think about it and move passed. I really don't know. Bewilderment to its finest.

I have a lot of deep thoughts, my over-analyzing characteristics come out sometimes. I try to keep my philosophies about life to myself, because it just feels like no one sees the world like I do. And they don't. Because when I attempt to describe the complexity and completely astonishing life, no one really gets it. Or maybe I don't get it. Either way, we see things differently.


I've realized a lot lately, I'm growing in a lot of ways. I make mistakes daily. But I'm learning so much and getting to be the person I want to be overall. Still so much to go through and to learn. The last two days I've been too sad so tomorrow I'm going to decide to be happy.

...

i had a dream last night that i killed myself. i was even telling myself in my dream how much i loved life. i held a gun up to my head at one point.

this scares me.

no, im not really suicidal.

i looked up a dream interpretation and it said i'm feeling anger toward something i can't fix, helplessness, intense emotions.

oh lord.

take the time to let it go, step away and watch me grow.

i won't give up on my own happiness. i won't forget what i can be and how i can view life.

i really went to bed last night wanting to go on with my day the following day. i woke up happy and excited for the new things i knew i was going to experience. i thought it was good change, i figured everything would fall into place, just like it always does eventually.

i realized i was wrong as the day went on.

it seemed like everywhere i looked there were people trying to bring me down. constant stresses and problems that i couldn't take anymore. i cried a few times this day. i'm not the type to get into these moods and let these kind of things affect me. at all. but i can't promise tears will never exist. i'm not strong enough all the time.

i was soo relieved when i saw someone, and they realized something was wrong with me; when they asked, i felt as if there was no way i could hold my tears in. so i let them out. there was so many people around, but i didn't care. people's opinions don't bother me. and crying isn't a sign of weakness. things happen. people started hugging me, telling me they would be there for me, telling me how much i meant to them, just making me feel so much better. sometimes that's all we need. even people i have never talked to gave me hugs and were concerned. sometimes i forget these kind of people exist. those one of a kind, truly amazing people that i need. gives me hope. i've always said every single person holds beauty. i believe that, and i love proving that fact.

i prayed for pure happiness and optimism, and i really got that. sure, sometimes i'm going to get upset. we can't be on top all the time, right? i'm so happy and lucky that i know God the way that i do. he has helped me so much and i can never express how much i am thankful and how much i want to live for Him.

things that are important to me:

faith

promises

friendship

love

knowledge

expression

compassion

don't let me go.

why do i constantly need this validation?

why do i experience emotions on such a deep level? as if i'm feeling every single aspect of the feeling...sometimes it's all too much.

sometimes i fight myself more than anything. i over-analyze everything, this i know. i'm working on it.

summer nights, drift back to me.

love. ♥

I'm driving, I'm flying, heading somewhere new.

My 100th post. Yay!

I'm convinced A Rocket To The Moon has the best music ever. I can listen to their songs (I have about 40 on my itunes) all day. It has this optimistic tone, and I love that. The lyrics are amazing in every single song. So kudos to you ARTTM. You have Corbin as a fan.

Ignorance is bliss. Hmm...I've been thinking about this expression/phrase, and I don't know if I neccessarily believe in that. Sometimes not knowing something is better than knowing it, is what that phrase is saying. Would you rather not know the truth and be happy or know the truth and be disappointed? I just want to be happy, simply. So I can't answer that. Ignorance is...well, ignorant. Ignorant people, unwilling to open their mind to others' views...well I say that is so shady. People who are judgmental and are only willing to stay in their own comfort zone...your life is going to stay in the same place forever. You'll never have opportunities. OPPORTUNITIES. One of my favorite words. Yes, I'm a nerd and have favorite words. Also, I love the word HOPE. Because within every situation, all we need is hope. I love the word HEARTBEAT, because it signifies so much. I love the word BREATHTAKING. Because I want to experience things that are that.

I love God. So much. I know He exists with everything in me, more than I know I'm sitting here. I have never known more. This life is so magnificent, none of this is possible without him. The fact that I'm elements and cells put together, but I'm breathing, living, thinking is enough to completely amaze me. We are not here for no reason. I feel it. I breathe in deep breaths and as it travels to my lungs, I know...it's not possible without God. Does any of this make sense? I hope so, in some kind of way.

Sometimes all I need is to close my eyes. I realize every day that I love life. I fall in love all over again with my dreams as I awake. I have to remember what I want out of life, and never give up on all of the huge things I wish to do. So many people want to do these things, and some sadly never get to follow their heart for various reasons. I WON'T be one of those people. I have way to much determination in my heart.

why am i excited to go to school tomorrow? why? i'm scaring myself.

Love, truly.