let's count all the ship lights..

okay. so i started feeling infinite again.
i'm getting back to myself, after a traumatizing month.

i had one person ask me what i meant by 'infinite', and what that feeling was.

for once, i found myself speechless.

it's indescribable.

i wish i could make you feel it, if you haven't.

but i can't make that happen.

only you can.

-i make way too many lists

-i love bracelets, and wearing more than one at the same time (although i don't usually do that)

-generally nice people make me so happy

-i have a lot of energy

-the outdoors is what inspires me most,

but perhaps you already knew that

-i wouldn't classify myself as 'normal',

but if you know me, you are already aware

-i could drive at night for HOURS

-i make up my own words all the time.

-i love looking at stars.

-i never mean to be rude. i'm just honest.

-i prefer the windows down opposed to air conditioning

-i'm an internet stalker. no, not really. but i love looking

at random people's pages and pictures

-i never ever stop listening to music

-i used to not have a favorite number,

but now i'm discovering 17. <3

-all you have to do to be my friend is like me.

and show me you care.

or make me laugh

-i'm not complicated. my complications come out as i speak or write

-i looove those breathtaking moments, where you literally stop breathing

for a second, and are just amazed

-i get attached too easily

if you knew just what life is about, what matters, maybe you'd know just what i was talking about

and really, i never will

xxxxxxx.

i would love to escape but now i'm bound,

and if you were to ask me right now, i'd smile and look down, unable to give an answer.

i haven't written on here in a long time, even though i've wanted to so badly. now i feel like i'm not as good at this.

i can't go back to where i was, that whole mindset that i had a month ago... everything came crashing down for me. and i needed to build it back up, and i'm still trying. i can't say that it's not going to take work. the hard part is, i'm not the one who made it all crash down. i'm really finding how fast things can change. but as much as that sounds sadistic, it can also go for positive changes too.

i'm not the type of person to hold onto things. at least i don't like to. i've found how infectious that really is for us.

it's hard to explain that i'm so happy. yet so sad underneath all of that. i never stop smiling, and being myself. i'm not always quiet. at all. i'm not coy. i'm not dull. i like to do unexpected things. some may call them weird things. but hey, i'm having fun. and i appreciate that about myself. because without that, i don't know how i'd be able to accept certain things. in some sort of way, i'm just content.

if i could be anywhere, i'd be far away. i'd be where the best scenery is. roads where there's no one else is. beautiful oceans. i want to feel that wind. i want to know things like that are possible.

i won't lose the best of me.

i know i have a divine purpose, and i don't mean to sound like i think i'm more than any of you. because the truth is, we all have such a purpose and a potential that lies beneath us. i really feel god's plans for me so vividly though. i really do. it's like a feeling i've never felt before, that i know i will hold power as much as i have none whatsoever now. what i mean by "power" is that i want to change a part of the world somehow, even if it is a small part. i want to help people in huge ways. and you know what? i feel that this will happen with my heart.

there's something deep about your eyes. could i catch a glimpse?