close your eyes and we'll fly away, we'll come back home someday,

i know you didn't bring me here to drown. but i sure am struggling, fighting these waves. i'm used to living under the surface. when will i float?

i'm laying under the stars, hence the inspiration for the photo above. and the quote i added to it, i wrote, and it really inspires me all in itself. i never thought i could inspire myself. this was the only time i think i'm capable of doing that. it's just one of those rare things. you wish could come again, but you know it won't. so you just have to accept it. and appreciate it.

anyway, this fresh air was something that i needed. sometimes i just need myself. i need nothing but my thoughts and music to heal what i've been feeling. to get myself centered, to remember what's important, to think about who i've become and who i'm capable of being. it reminds me that i'm so small. that my problems mean nothing. that i can overcome. anything. because i've noticed that when i'm out of breathe, the wind still blows. and when i feel so dim, the stars still shine just as bright.

you will always be my light.

i've tried helping so many people lately. i didn't go searching for people's problems, but they somehow came slipping to me. despite my need for no issues. besides, i have my own. but i'm grateful for this. because i've given advice, but more than that...i've just listened to people. sometimes that's all we need. i sometimes feel that someone is struggling, and so quickly, unexpectedly, i feel drawn to them. and they feel drawn to me. perhaps for a reason.

am i delusional?

i KNOW i will do great things, unusual things. big things. more than most people. god has given me that opportunity and the ability to forsee it. now, i'm no greater than any of you are. you're probably even greater, dear reader. but i'm just saying, i have a gift that most do not. and i will provide a lot to this world. i know this somehow.

i appreciate this dark, starry sky right now. if only it knew. i heard each star represents someone special who has died. if that's true, i hope i'll have a place in this sky someday. and have a good reason to be there. not just because i existed. but because i did something to earn my bright sky that so many people wish upon. and even if i don't earn a star, and all that is just a myth, it still leaves me with something to believe in.

i've yet to find someone who wants to talk to me me longer than i want to talk to them. okay, that sort of makes me sound like a loner. but i mean it totally different than that. i'll admit people do generally like me. not to sound arrogant, but i really have no problem becoming friends with people. sometimes i choose not to. i just want someone who desires my presence so very much that they willl seek it with everything in them. that's too much to ask for, i know. i try hard in relationships. if i feel they're worth it. i make sure i talk to the people i care about as much as possible, like i'm business networking or something. that was sort of a confession. i'm not used to those. and i hope it doesn't sound weird. though i don't mind sounding weird, because i am who i am. it's important for me to write exactly how i feel. i don't want to lie to myself, or anyone reading. because i want people to relate, and not feel like i'm hiding who i am, because it's important that you, dear reader, don't hide anything about yourself. lay it all out there, don't be afraid of opinions, and those who are meant to be in your life will accept you.

-tell me things will be alright. i just need to hear it.

i got lost in the madness of the world and i needed to escape desperately. i've half escaped. people's useless drama. i'm not like that. i like to focus on the world. you might not see that in me from far away. it's hard to feel like i have such a close connection to the world. i love feeling and knowing i do. but it's a lot to take in and leaves me feeling a variety of emotions i sometimes cannot take. i hope this makes some sort of sense. "a close connection to the world...what?...corbin, you're crazy....or, i've felt that too." did i read your mind? i bet i didn't.

"you're not perfect sport. but this girl you met, she's perfect. but whether or not you're perfect for each other? that's the whole deal. you can do anything in the world, but the only way you'll figure out this one is giving it a shot."