goodbye 2009.

2009 IS ALMOST OVER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Stayed single almost the whole year? YES.

Were involved in something you'll never forget? MANY.

Tripped over a coffee table? HAHA, PROBABLY.

Came close to losing your life? I DON'T THINK SOO.

Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live? NO, I WISH.

2009: Friends and Enemies

Did you meet any new friends this year? YEP (:

Did you hate anyone? YES.

2009: Your BIRTHDAY!

Did you have a cake? YEAH!

Did you get any presents? I DID.

2009: All about YOU

Did you change at all this year? YEAH, IN A LOT OF WAYS.

Did you change your style? I DON'T KNOW.

Were you in school? YEPPERS.

Did you get good grades? EEEK, NOT REALLY.

Did you drive? SURE DID.

Did you own a car? YES.

Did anyone close to you give birth? NO.

Did you go on any vacations? NOT REALLY. :(

Would you change anything about yourself now? NO WAY.

2009: Wrap UP:

Was 2009 a good year? OVERALL (:

Do you think 2010 will top 2009? YEAH, I HOPE SO.

IN THE YEAR 2009 I CONFESS THAT I....

Had your heart broken? NOPE.

Painted a picture? DON'T THINK SO.

Wrote a poem? YEAH.

Ran a mile? HECK NOO!

Visited a foreign country? NOPE.

Cut in a line of waiting people? HA, MOST LIKELY.

Told someone you were busy when you weren't? YEAH.

Cooked a disastrous meal? NOT REALLY.

Lied about how old you were? I DON'T THINK?

IN 2009 I....

Broke a promise? YES.

Lied? YES.

Disappointed someone close? PROBABLY. :(

Hid a secret? YES.

Pretended to be happy? YAHHH.

Slept under the stars? NOT NECCESSARILY.

Met someone who changed your life? MANY.

Changed your outlook on life? SOOO MUCH.

Sat home all day doing nothing? YEAH, I HATE THAT.

Lost something expensive? NOPE.

Learned something new about yourself? MANY THINGS.

Tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it? YEAH.

Made a change in your life? MANY.

Found out who your true friends were? YES!

Met great people? YEAH :)

Stayed up til sunrise? I HAVE.

Cried over the silliest thing? HA, A FEW TIMES.

Had friends who were drifting away from you? OH YES.

Spent most of your money on food? A LOT OF IT, AHA.

Gotten sick? MHM.

Liked more than 5 people at the same time? NOPE.

Became closer with a lot of people? YES!

defeated.

Is it me? Is it me that drives people away? My good mood is getting trampled over...
If one more person ignores me, it's not going to go well...
I feel so defeated. & I don't feel like this often. I'm in one of those moods where I don't want to talk to anyone. I just wish people could feel the same pain they cause me. Just one time, so they would know. Although, I would never intentionally give that pain to them.

Well, I'm not going to give in anymore. I'm not going to be the first to apologize for nothing. I'm not going to try to make things better, when I'm not getting the same kind of effort in return. It gets old. I just can't let it go.

These times are like no other.

-Chase your dreams and never let them go.



Just for one moment unlike the rest,
we can say we tried our best
the blue sky, the sunrise
it's all the space in between,
As we leave behind this tragic scene.
-Corbin

I Reccomend:
Making april- i wrote this song
the early november- decoration
copeland- brightest
racing kites- oceans
you me and everyone we know- carolina heat
here among wolves- the sea gave up

But then again, I have a different sense of music than you probably have. It's simple music. If you're looking for something acoustic, and more relaxing, try listening to making april (i wrote this song), copeland (brightest), and carolina heat.
If you're looking for a punk flare, try the early november.
Something uplifting, try racing kites.
Something hardcore, here among wolves.

Give them a listen. Let me know what you think.

we have the capacity to carry on.

Corbin says...
Life is never just simple. Things go wrong so we can appreciate them when they're right.
"People are people, and sometimes we change our minds." Time passes, and even though we may struggle, there are always, always, ways to overcome anything. You just have to have to determination to prove everyone wrong and to stop doubting yourself.
When you feel like you can't breathe, remember we have lungs and the capacity to carry on.
When you feel like you can't take it anymore, remember we have hearts that don't stop beating until it's ready to stop...

I had an okay christmas. I spent time with family, and got some things I wanted too... ;)

I feel a little bit distracted from what I should be focused on...I don't even know exactly what I should be focused on...living life to its fullest, I suppose.

I keep contemplating, and it's not easy for me not to.

I don't like knowing people are drifting away from me...it's hard. When I love someone, I really love someone, and I don't want them to go away from me. It's a fear that I have. And when it happens, it hurts me a lot. Are my expectations for people too high? The good thing is, even though I've lost people, and people are drifting away from me...I've gained people and am moving closer to some.

I need to have fun. I can't keep sitting here, I'm going to explode.

I know one thing; God loves you. & so does Corbin.

the voices of life...

I think a lot of things are here to remind us of who we are.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

I have said this before, and in my previous post, and I will say it again; I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I'm still trying to figure out how this could be.

I need to know that I'm myself under all of this. I need to know that under my smiles and true happiness, there is sadness I've yet to overcome. And I'm trying. Sometimes I can't stop smiling. Sometimes I just want to cry out of nowhere. I never stop feeling infinite, I never stop feeling strange in some sort of way. This is God's way of telling me I'm ALIVE. As simple as breathing makes me feel exhilirated.

Please never take for granted the ability to laugh, to cry, to hug someone dear. Death is simply not an option in my life before I've had an opportunity to prove myself. Literal death, or metaphorical death. I refuse to be jaded, I refuse to be defeated. I'm too strong. I've come too far.

Sometimes things are way too quiet, and all I need to hear is the simple voice of one human being. Other times, I can't enough silence, and that's all I want to imagine.

If you ever find yourself on my side of the world, I hope you'd stop by.

Somehow, I'm going to find my place in this world. Somehow, I'm going to make my mark on this earth.

Hold me for as long as you want, and I'll be hoping you'll want to hold me forever. Hold me as tight as you can, and I'll be hoping you can hold me as tight as your arms will let you.
-Corbin

I can't stand people who don't listen to me. At least try to understand me. At least give me a few words of wisdom when I can't take something anymore.

I've had a boring christmas break so far, and I'm hoping it gets better very soon.

Happy birthday, Jesus. Happy Birthday.

lovelovelove.

I can hear the voices of life saying, "we're waiting. this is the moment."

silence.

I cannot believe my time is over, because I have too many dreams I've yet to pursue. Everything fits so perfectly together, and it's almost hard to believe. It's hard to comprehend the way the wind blows, and how the earth knows to change seasons each and every year, folding into decades and centuries. It's weird to be to think everything is here coincidently or by chance. How can people believe all these miracles...just for someone to breathe...is all made for nothing and by no one? These times, they fly by, and we never remember to appreciate this while we're in the moment. Only while looking back are we able to see the importance in the small moments.
And for the next moments of my life, I'm going to remain silent.

Currently wanting: christmas, frappicino, new friendships.

So...,this is my life.

Yes.

And I'm still trying to figure out just where I fit into, and who I'm going to be.

Let's enjoy this moment, for it will never pass again.

I just need to know that someone in the world cares about me in general, and will love me through everything. I need to know these people exist.

Sometimes people tell me things will be okay, and I forget to hear them, let alone believe them.

People accept being unhappy, and going nowhere...how can they do that? When we have so much potential just waiting to escape from us.
Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine myself somewhere that doesn't exist. Then I think, maybe I don't even exist. It's all too much. And when I look into the mirror, it all doesn't seem like reality. I'm not even sure if I know what reality is, or if it's real at all. The irony in this...is almost impeccable.

We have the ability to feel INFINITE.
We have the power.
All we need is the drive and the faith.

Sometimes life is too simple for people to understand, and we mistake it for complex.
A concept we are unable to understand. Look at the big picture and you'll realize how small all this is.

closing my eyes.

Well well well,
Here I am again.
Everything is so beautiful...

Who I really am:
I am a complex person. You will never figure me out completely. I have way too many opinions and views on things that will never really matter. I am complicated, and care about more things than what clothes look best on my figure. I am original, I don't change myself for the acceptance of others. This is me. I'm not the same as most.
I promise, I'll be the best friend you have if you let me be. I'll show you all the love in the world if you show me the smallest amount. I truly care about people I get to know. If you don't consider my feelings, I won't take it lightly. I hold people I love up to a high standard.
I can be sooo crazy, and loud, and obnoxious. It's not something I'm proud of. But it's me. Other times, I'm super shy and quiet. Most of the time, not so much.
I do try to listen more than I speak. [Doesn't always happen,...haha.]


I am finishing up my "quote wall" in my bedroom. I cut papers out and wrote different sayings and motivational quotes and hung them up. I added photography too, and it all is there to simply inspire me. Enlightenment.

My thoughts wander endlessly.

Here's a song I just wrote on the spot, and it means a lot to me. Hope you like it.

CLOSING MY EYES
Now I'm closing my eyes
And I,
I'm watching this time fly by
I think of you,
and now, I'm closing my eyes
Just watching myself cry
When I dream, I still return to you
And I,
I'm watching you cry
My heart is not the first to be broken
Your mind is not the first to go unspoken
Just before these times
I'm closing my eyes

Chorus:
You, with your hand around that trigger
I have the same fears as you
But your, your problems are so much bigger
You, with your hands covered in lies
Still, we never got to say our goodbyes
You, with your demons fighting against you
I wish it wasn't this way because,
You'll always be the person I never knew

Right now I'm closing my eyes
And I,
I'm watching your life fly by
Yeah, she's closing her eyes
You'll always be, always be,
someone in a disguise.
These dreams, they still return to you
And I,
I'm watching you die.
My heart is not the first to be broken
Your mind is not the first to go unspoken
I'm still not alive,
so I'm closing my eyes

Chorus

I don't know my reality,
Without you, I don't know who to be.
These moments, will never be sensationalized.
so I'm closing my eyes.

I can feel the world at my fingertips.

Just like that bird with broken wings,

He whistles so quietly but longs to sing.

A broken guitar with a need to be played,

The person who once strummed it but didn't stay.

We recognize these things that once made us laugh,

Like counting the notes on a music staff.

And then we remember those things that once made us cry,

We learn to accept the flaws and swallow them with pride.

People become able to handle disappointment as it follows us with ease,

But never will we adapt to the time we have left to believe.

As these leaves fall down as they do just like our memories,

The time becomes shortened, we abandon this forest of trees.

It's weird to me that I can write so aimlessly, without a point to a poem... but these things make all the sense in the world to me.

I'm learning more everyday. I have quotes all over my room, inspirational pictures, motivational sentences. It helps me. I love knowing what life is TRULY about. I guess I'll never have all of the answers, will I? But I'm going to know enough to have a happy life. And I love that. I guess I love not knowing what life will bring for me, but laughter and happiness. Struggles, sure...they will pass. I don't focus on that. I'm not blinded, though, I just choose to focus on the good. I still see the negative, but I'm not going to dwell on it.

“love builds up the broken wall

and straigtens the crooked path.

love keeps the stars in the firmament

and imposes rhythm on te ocean tides

each of us is created of it

and i suspect

each of us was created for it”

-Anonymous

lovelovelove.

one last night at the lonely wheel.

-I'm the kind of person who thinks there are many forms of art, some which others would never consider art or beauty.

Yes, the snow is here, and the wind is active... I guess it's not all that bad. Winter, I don't hate you. I am on my way to loving you, actually.

Some things are getting better.

All that I'm after is a life of laughter, a life of beauty and endless possibilities. Wow, I guess as I'm writing what I want I'm starting to see that it really is reachable.
Life is so parishable; everything in it. If you think about it, nothing lasts forever but our souls, so what should be most important?

I think people who talk about their dreams are beautiful. I think the people who make others happy make themselves happy essentially.



People are so quick to see my insecurities, my weaknesses... I wish they could look past my flaws, and see the person I really am. That's partly my fault, because I guess I do have a hard time showing my true self sometimes. It's just difficult to trust people, hard to put everything out there and have the fear of them not caring.



If you're sick of worrying, of living the life you don't want...ask God for complete bliss through him. Right now. He's waiting. I promise.

lovelovelove.

contemplation.

I guess things are changing. It seems like things are changing so fastly, like if I blink I'll miss something desperately important. Yet so slow, like I just can't wait for things to change.
Hmm...

I want to live in North Carolina someday.
I don't believe you can ever dream too big, and this dream...is just something waiting to happen.


I believe good comes out of everything eventually.
Sometimes I do feel like things are so hard to overcome. Like the ocean waves are slowly pulling me under. And I'm too strong to drown. I promise. I am.

I am a fan of philosophy and things like that. And I've learned a lot lately. Below is some thoughts I'm trying to bring into my life. I hope you can take something away from it too.

Excuses are the one thing that hold you back the most. (It's going to take too long, I can't do it...etc.)
Well, anything's possible with your effort through GOD!
Set your mind to a new way of thinking about things.
This doesn't mean pain is going to go away immediately. It means positivity will find a way into your life.
You have to start saying, "I can handle this. The solution will find its way to me."
All excuses are misalignments.

Contemplation: the highest form of activity. -Arestotle.
Meaning...what you think isn't just a random thought that pops in your head for no reason. It's not a passive idea or thought.
What you think, you are putting into action. Thoughts are like things that begin materialization.
If you contemplate thoughts that match the original spirit (God), you have the same power as that source.

You CAN allow your FALSE-SELF to be defeated.

Practice contemplation which you intend to manifest.
Then detach from it, and let it go.

How willing are you to attract in your life what you want?
WILLINGNESS means surrendering, letting go, and letting GOD!

"Arrange whatever pieces come your way."

Just one person. To take my endless thoughts away...to smile...and mean every word they say. Just one person. Just one. That will tell me they appreciate me for who I am. One. Who will support every turn I take. Who will call me when they have a feeling I'm not okay. Who will laugh at the things that aren't really funny. Who will tell me nothing I could say or do will every change their mind about me.

Please...tell me I deserve that. Just one person. A friend. Not just any friend, like the many I have now...but a true, a real, a forever friend. Make your way to me.

Believe in what you can achieve! Go for what you want! It's possible only in your eyes!

My dream...to travel the world.

The people who say it's not possible... choose to live in the shadows!

lessons learned.

I have learned lately...
1. people are mean and will stop at nothing to make you feel worse.
2. there ARE good people out there who will smile when you need it.
3. thoughts overrise true emotion.
4. actions speak louder than words.
5. you have to choose to change any/every aspect of your life.

and much more.

endless skies desperately waiting

Do whatever makes you happy.

After going through a lot lately, I'm ready to face the world with a new attitude. I'm focusing on my personal happiness.
I'm not going to hold myself back, and I'm not going to let anyone hold me back.

dreams are possible to reach.

And still, sometimes I get so confused... what to do with myself and who to be. Why I'm in certain situations.

It doesn't matter.

All that matters is me living my life to its fullest potential.

Riding away from all the madness around me.

It's almost that time again. Thanksgiving. I love this time of year. Having only two days of school this week makes my life easier.

One of my downfalls: I always feel like everyone has to like me. And if they don't, I find a way to make it seem like it's my fault, when reality is telling me that not everyone can like one person. I hate that.

I love you.

Who says I can't be free?

I'm listening to "who says" by John Mayer on repeat...there's something about it that relaxes me.
This is a part of it:
"Who says I can’t get stoned?
Turn off the lights and the telephone
Me and my house alone
Who says I can’t get stoned?
Who says I can’t be free?
From all of the things that I used to be
Re-write my history
Who says I can’t be free?
It’s been a long night in New York City
It’s been a long night in Baton Rouge
I don’t remember you looking any better
But then again I don’t remember you."

This kind of inspires me. Who says I can't wake up tomorrow and be a completely different person? Re-write this story called life. Do everything I want to. Be who I want to be.

I'm not the type of person who likes to alone often. I wish right now that I had someone to keep me company. Someone my age at least. But you know, maybe it's okay. Maybe I can take some time to think about things...

And again, I replay this song.

I am feeling isolated. Sometimes it's like, what am I doing wrong in life?
You know...?



I love people in general, but sometimes I can't stand being around the people I'm surrounded by. Maybe it's me, I don't know. I try seeing good in everyone, but sometimes it's so so deep down that it takes a special person to be able to see. I want to be that person, I do.

I'm not a serious person most of the time. I mean, I can be but I am usually laughing and joking. It just makes life better to me. It makes me smile :)

I don't know what I want. It's that simple.

everyday unfolding a new page..

-I haven't been able to say I trust more than a couple of people in too long.
People in my life lately have been very mean to me. Not everyone, but just in general. People making up things about me, just cruel attitudes and things like that. I'm not into being mean to others. I can be, though, if you hurt me. I'm trying to work on that. That is one of my downfalls. I need to take the road less traveled by.

Life. As we know it. Is falling down right before our eyes.
I find humor in almost every situation, which I think is a good thing--a form of optimism :)

You know, I really believe distances are just opportunities to get closer.

Time heals pain. For the most part. I've learned that... and even though people are fighting against me, they won't hold me down. I haven't come all this way just to be taken back to Day 1. You don't know how strong you are until you are told you're weak and your true strength is put to the test. I guess I do feel weak sometimes, and you know...maybe I am? I'm not quite sure. All I know is that God is fighting my battles one by one, and someday things will be better. You can't have a rainbow without a little rain.



Every aspect of human civilization deals with: realizations.disappointments.laughter.tears.
and every moment, no less significant.

Let's escape to FIJI! (:

"This is life. This is our lives. How you choose to live it is up to you. But remember...there's far less time than there is opportunities."

-Corbin

As the days go by, I believe everything's getting better. Well, most things. I knew God would guide me through the rain, only to have a rainbow at the end :)

You know what's weird? I'm kind of feeling like me and someone close to me are growing apart! It's so sad and I feel totally helpless. It's like I've been replaced in a way. And it's not the greatest feeling in the world. It's almost like I can't even compare! I don't know...I'm sure it will go away soon.

I'm the kind of girl who believes there's beauty in everyone. Truly, I've never met anyone who doesn't have good in them. I think that's why it's so hard for me to leave people behind. I see the good in them and don't want to let that go.

I also believe...

People change so you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right. And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

I feel like doing something EXTRAORDINARY. Nothing normal, nothing redundant. But something exciting and completely unexpected!

I love you.

language fails.

I feel like I haven't written anything on here in years. Ha. It's been like a week?

Lately, I don't even know how to describe anything at all. Language fails in some cases. Like for instance, in explaining the constant hurtful people in my life. I've gone through whirlwinds the past couple of weeks. People making up complete lies about me...I will never understand. Never.

I am sorry if I offend you, but I would really like new people in my life. I'm just sick of everything and everyone. I find myself being so frustrated with everything. And I hate that feeling. The feeling of complete loss of control.

Today, I wish I could have just climbed under a rock and forgot about a lot of things.

I miss myself. The energetic, silly person that I enjoyed. I can be her. I see her come out sometimes, but only glimpses. It seems stress is taking over my life.

I read "The Notebook" in 1.5 days. That shows how much of a Nicholas Sparks addict I am.
I could've read it in one.

People: don't be the person who doesn't consider my feelings at all. Don't be that person.

I love you.

hello again.

I feel attached to so many people; and you know...it might just feel good.


I wrote this freestyled kind of "poem", just thoughts mostly. I didn't do any editing or revising, changing words around to make sense, etc. It's just random thoughts and lines. They're important to me, though. Every single word makes me feel some sort of emotion.
Read it?

I wish on a shooting star with my arms crossed, and my eyes still wide.
I believe you'll unfold the note I wrote you, never crinkling it up inside.
All of my life, broken dreams destroyed and cracked at the seams.
My shattered image is staring back at me, and I hear the voice inside my head.
If only I had found a way to hide the steps I've taken.
Only we can know,
just where we're supposed to go.
I urge to remember the time, everything felt right.
Oh, selfish insecurities, breaking out of my mind.
These waves are just so strong, so much pressure pulling me down,
when all I want is to float on the surface of this cold ocean.
Seeing the docs that will welcome me with open arms.
The pensive arms swept over my face, sweet salty air, never missing one thing.
It gets harder to open my eyes.
The beginning is neccessary, and the end is hazy.
I still can't see past the fog that's lifting.
Precarious thoughts that fill my mind,
will you ever pull me out of this bind?
I'm starting to see there's hope for life even when there's not.

If this doesn't make sense, it's okay. I really don't expect it to paint a perfect picture. It's more for me.

Creativity is more important than wit. To me at least. Have a little bit of both.

I felt like endlessly walking last night, as tired as I was. I was past the point of sleeplessness. I was too tired to go to sleep, and too much was running through my mind to attempt to put them into dreams. I have to admit, Autumn is winning me over.

And then she said it, she thinks she might just be okay afterall.

I just interpreted some of my dreams...and I got a few things that disturbed me a little. First, the feeling of helplessness came up a lot. Incapability of making decisions. It also said I have a fear of abandonment. To end on a good note, I got the ability to express myself well.
Let me address these few things my dreams showed.
First, helplessness...yeah, I guess this is true. I feel unable to control a lot of things right now.
Incapability to make decisions...haha. Me all the way. I'm not good at making decisions; especially ones that could be life altering. And abandonment, I'm not that good at telling how my own mind is sometimes, but I do see signs of that.
I am a pretty good expressor of feelings though. I guess I am pretty understanding, and capable of showing how I'm feeling. I like to help people by analyzing their feelings. I'm SOOO not a psychologist, but I do give good advice, I must admit.

You know, all these things will not hold me back in any way, but accelerate me! Life is good, as bad as things may seem. And really, I am super excited.

Flu...that sucked over the weekend. Missing even one day of school always seems like you missed three years.

I'm excited to say, not only am I writing really random things today, but I'm getting a new phone tomorrow! It's much needed.

Let me just say this:
I am the girl who believes things happen for some sort of reason. I'm the girl who thinks that prayer is all someone needs sometimes. I'm also the girl who will love anyone who will give me a chance... please don't ruin that for me. I'm the girl who will joke about almost anything, but always I'll have a serious opinion on whatever it may be. I'm that girl who isn't afraid of what you may think. I'm my own person, I'm not scared to be different than you, and I don't hold back. I'm the girl who wants all to be happy, and to be surrounded with people who make me feel LOVED, HAPPY, AND THANKFUL!
All you others...bye bye. You will be great for someone else's life, but for mine...not so much.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Imagination is never exaggerated or overcompensated for. I've used this saying in my previous posts, and here I'll say it again...


Some things that will definitely be on my bucket-list: (more coming...)
-Skydiving
-Traveling the world
-Feeding 10,000 hungry stomachs
-Reading all of Nicholas Sparks novels
-Finding a way to tell Jonas Brothers fans...these boys are really not that great at all.

imagination...

One day at a time; that's what I'm trying to do. It gets so easy sometimes, life I mean. But it also gets sooo hard.

I was thinking last night, as I layed restlessly...thoughts that you only could think when you're real sleepy. Things that don't exist but are so easy to imagine. Lightning bugs danced around me, field weeds swayed back and forth; and for a moment, I wasn't in my bed. I was lying on a pond in the middle of a forest, with nothing but the cool breeze to disturb me.

If I could make myself believe anything, I'd make myself believe that magical places actually exist. However, I don't believe you can force yourself to believe anything. Don't you miss that sweet innocence of being a small child, with the world at your fingertips...with anything possible in your mind? Don't you miss that feeling of fairy tales?

We're reminded daily of the REALITY of our world, but we should stop and just DREAM.
A very wise person once said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge."

HOW EXACTLY LIFE GOES
I've been dying to leave this place,
with the small thin grin on my face.
We danced around our dreams,
Watched flowers grow from seeds.
These bombs somehow knew exactly when to go off,
And that's when we knew all the ways we lost.
From our fingertips, our lives will touch
your fingertips, and with your hand in mine,
our lives will know just when to clutch.
A simple raindrop falling from the sky,
A simple word that means goodbye.
From the grass that grows
and the wind that blows,
This is how we'll know
how exactly life goes.

i wrote this with inspiration in mind, for whoever/whatever has inspired me in this life, thank you, because of you...i'll never be the same.

things will be better soon!

How, oh how, could i be so many emotions at one time? i'm still learning who i am. Yes, i'm sure what i stand for and i know what i love. but i don't know the world yet. and i certainly don't know everything about myself.

[Second post today. Scroll down, read the one below for me.]

We often forget how truly beautiful humans are. Me? I believe everyone has good in them. Really, it's possible. Please remember to enjoy simply the treasures you have today.

Things you might not know about me:

-I sometimes do a double take when I see an old beaten down truck. It gives me a feeling of vulnerability. It shows character, and a story.

-I never see someone who I absolutely know I wouldn't like. I think it's okay to give everyone a chance. Even if not everyone is going to like me.

-I get insecure sometimes, like most.

-When something upsets me a lot, I obsess over fixing it, or finding a way to get through. (It gets annoying).

-I'm a little OCD.

-I'm not organized at all. Although I hate when things are messy, I can't stand it.

-I want to start an organization for people who have hardly anything...don't know all the details yet. But I do know I want to help people in any way I can.

-I sometimes find myself watching South Park and laughing so hard...then I remember...wow, I still can be happy when I'm sad.

-Photography makes a lot of things a lot better.

-I have learned more this year than I have my whole life.

-I only tell people about 60% of things, I am actually a private person.

-I love having deep conversations, where the subject actually matters.

-I still believe in that fairy tale ending.

-I hate seeing people go, when you know you won't see them for a while. Even when I meet strangers who I get to know; I hate having to know I'll never see them again. People mean a lot to me.

-I love Jesus, and I often pray for weird things, like "Jesus, will you help me find my shoes?" Okay, I shouldn't say that's weird. But let me just say, I lose a lot of things.

Lovely night. As much as I can say things aren't looking good right now...I can also say, things will be better soon...

blessings...

It's been too long since I've posted.

I despise saying this, essentially because I like to be optimistic, but I have been struggling a little bit lately. I don't even know. I wish I could explain in full detail. But just know, a lot has been going on... Starting with people who try to cause me pain, or at least don't seem to care that they are. Sometimes I honestly feel as though things won't get better. But then, I'm reminded they have to eventually. Things are always going to affect me in some way, maybe in ways I'll never ever comprehend. To you, reader, I want you to know... I love you.

This entry may be long, I have a lot to say...

I love inspiration.

I was extremely inspired by a man who was preaching on TV and I would love to share what I learned:

Don't let how someone has treated you or raised you affect your life.

GOD'S BLESSINGS ALWAYS OVERRISE THE CURSE.

When someone's pulling you down, shake it off--God is fighting your battles. Don't let it steal your joy.

When people try to harm you, God will cause it to backfire and you will be even better off than you were before.

WHEN GOD GIVES YOU A BLESSING IT CANNOT BE CURSED.

No matter how you were raised, your blessing will be fulfilled.

It won't slow you down, but accelerate you.

It doesn't matter if anyone tries to make you feel small, there's no need to be intimidated.

Nothing they can say or do will affect your blessing.

People will do anything to keep you down so they can outshine you. Leave it up to God and He will fight your battle for you. Your time is coming.

If you've had a lot of negative things come your way, don't let your HEREDITY affect your DESTINY.

You may have been in unfair situations but don't be worried. Healing is on it's way and THE BLESSINGS ALWAYS OVERRISE THE CURSES. YOU CANNOT CURSE WHAT'S ALREADY BEEN BLESSED.

_____________________________________________________________

stars, where are you? are you hiding beneath my breath? or are you so completely infinite that you can't bear to show your light?

-i'm not exactly sure where that came from ^

-i'm not even sure it makes sense.

-does it have to?

-only to me.

-and truthfully...

-nothing really makes sense to me anymore.

Struggles aren't forever. I wish I could convince myself this.

Some more rain today, which is making all the struggles seem all the more real and illiterate.

Some reasoning: God tests your faith in all the ways he can.
Question: Is he trying to make you feel pain?
Answer: No. Quite the opposite, actually.

I guess I've been going through a lot lately. Will I make it through? Absolutely. Will it be a bit difficult? Of course.
I'm so tired of having to deal with hatred and people who try to hurt me and the people I love. Sometimes I wish I knew why I was in certain situations.
I say to people all the time, eliminate all the negative people from your life.
Sometimes, I'm sorry to say, I'm too helpless to be able to do this.

I frequently forget that I'm still a child and shouldn't have to deal with everything at once. I sometimes don't remember that I can't fix a lot of things on my own. I need some tools, and a carpenter from time to time to help me. Jesus, are your carpentry skills still okay?

Please. Don't. Let anyone tell you you aren't beautiful. Truth be told: you are. Inside & out.
Please. Remember. God made you just how you are.
It may seem that the ocean waves are taking you under, and you may feel it's hard to breathe. Don't worry. God won't let you drown. Sometimes you have to feel pain to truly understand what joy is. I believe that so much. Whole-heartedly.

Ignorant people will eventually be destroyed. Not in some weird war way. Not literally. You understand what I mean, right? :)

I want things to stop hurting, and for it all to go away. Everything was going SO well, and now... it feels like the wall I worked on so hard is now falling down.

It was nice last night to just cry and not hold back...for someone to tell me what I DIDN'T want to hear and to tell me it would all be okay. And that they would be here for me no matter what.

Why does something amazing happen after every bad situation?
I'll let you figure that out ;)

leaves falling.

We all have different perspectives. Obviously. But seriously, we have to remember this. It's something that's so cliche but so easy to forget.
Also, why is it so easy to remember the bad things, yet so hard to remember the good? It's like something imprinted in our minds.

I've found answers to many problems I've been contemplating about lately. I can't believe it's all starting to make sense again, and slowly fall back into place. You know, like when the wind picks a leaf off their tree, causing it to slowly spiral down and then finally hit the ground?

It's like life.

Sometimes problems pick you up from your comfort zone, and send you on a whirlwind. But eventually, you will hit the ground, and know exactly why things happen.

That's a good analogy.

I like metaphors for life. Sometimes, ironically, they make so much more sense.

I love the fact that I have choices. If you haven't read my "choices" post, that probably doesn't make much sense. PLEASE read it! It's very important to me.

Have you noticed I now have a search bar? On the right hand side, close to the top. You can search any words that may be in my blog somewhere, or subjects I've written about. If you don't use it, fine. I don't really have a need for it. It's just a cool little gliche I thought I'd add. Ha.

Let's have a deep conversation. :)

god knows.

"Well if you ever need to get a hold of me for anything, if you are ever having a bad day either you can call me or you can message me."

Somehow this made me cry, and it's just what I needed to hear today.

the world is yours.

These broken walls fall down tonight,
For all the times we put up a fight.
These times are disappearing,
To a place of healing.
Everything we've ever stood for,
Drifts away like rubbish on the shore.
The love that vanished,
That lifts the fog from the mist.
The love that would slowly wane,
Possibly even take out pain.
But in the end,
it's no different than the flames,
I guess you could say,
Love is always the same.

So we meet again, dear reader.

If you know me well enough, know that I don't LOVE when people close to me hurt me. I HATE it. Don't confuse me with someone who will forget the pain you've caused me.

Right now, I CAN'T say I'm someone who can ignore your scrutiny. If you were someone I didn't love I would ignore it. Since you're so close to me, and you could do such things...this makes me so unbelievably ill.

I am trying to get through the fact that everyone eventually hurts you. I just wish some didn't do it intentionally. I feel this heavy weight on my chest that only time can heal. I'm asking you to pray about this entry, about me, and figuring things out involving this. And also, that these people I care about stop trying to hurt me.

If you did, thank you, it proves more than I'll ever be able to say.

I need to think. To evaluate some things.

lovelovelove.

the world is yours.

Choices

Hey, read my posts below...they're new! :)

I really feel like I have to say this:

You can have a wonderful life IF YOU CHOOSE TO. You can choose blessings or you can choose curses. By having a good perspective (through God) even through the worst situations will be turned into GOOD!
Today choose to be happy. Choose to be blessed. Choose not to have drama. Choose to be pain-free.

And I belive you will.

There isn't a tomorrow.

"When you forget who you are, you don't remember what's important."
-Corbin


Hello :)

I took a quiz, and my result said "you're a true dreamer at heart."
That's true.

Time is going by so much faster than I ever imagined, yet every moment seems to drag on. I'm wondering when things are going to get better. It's like a rollercoaster. I'm wondering why I kept this all bottled up inside of me... I believe in forever, so I'm holding on with both hands but sometimes my fingers start to slip. I need one person to grab my hand.

There isn't a tomorrow.
Remember that for me, and please, remind me every so often.

"You're never going to be alone,
from this moment on."
-Nickelback

I saw the book I've been wanting at target. "The Last Song" by, you guessed it, Nicholas Sparks. <3

Sometimes I wonder why God has put me in certain situations, but I know this all is happening for a reason. I really do love my life. I have struggles just like you though. Don't forget that.
Never say you miss being happy. Say, I used to be more happy than I am now, so how can I get more happy?
I've learned that.

I had one of those days where people's opinions mean nothing. Okay so I guess I'm usually like that. But today, I just felt as if nothing anyone could say would hurt me. It's wonderful.

People who hurt others on purpose are overrated. Don't be that person. Don't be the victim.

CONTROL YOUR DESTINY.

Live faster, live stronger.

I see myself changing before my eyes. I guess you probably won't see the changes I've made recently. It's not visible change. I can't tell if it's for the better or for the worse. I guess only time will tell.

Live faster, live stronger.
I love to live. I love to breathe, to laugh. I can't imagine my life without the people I've come to know.
I've been through things that I've never mentioned to anyone, and I always seem to get through. This happens with God and my family and select friends. If you have God in your life and have faith he'll help you get through anything, YOU WILL! I'm living proof :)
I look up to people who smile through pain.
I don't have any huge problems in my life, but I always try to smile along the way, whenever there's bumps along my way (there always will be).

Advice: avoid disaster at all costs.

bring out the best in yourself.

happy autumn.



I want to tell you, you're beautiful just how you are. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Hello my love.

I'm sitting here listening to some music and the rain hitting the roof. The music is quiet enough for me to hear each raindrop hit the window.

Hmm...

Someday I think I'll make a good person. Conceited? I think not.

I think I'm a good person now, but I'm still on the journey towards getting to my destination. I make mistakes daily, as do you.

I'm satisfied with myself, yet I still strive to be someone better. You can always do better. Just as long as you can accept who you are; that's what counts.

I've been waiting to get a letter in the mail. An "old" friend. When I say old friend, I think of someone you know from 20 years ago. I know her from about 5 or so years ago, and we live so far apart. We used to write so much, and we just started again. I love getting letters. It means someone's thinking about you :)

She's such a good friend. I'm so thankful for her.

Now on the topic of friends, I am also thankful for my best friend. She accepts everything I do and say without judging me.


Life's about choosing friends who bring out the best in you.


I CHALLENGE you to do as many of these things you can today:

1.) Laugh as hard as you can about the smallest thing that makes you smile.

2.) Take 3 deep breaths as you think about just nothing.

3.) Call an old friend.

4.) Tell them you love them ^

5.) Hug someone you haven't in a while.

6.) Say "thank you so much"

7.) Do something you've been saying you'd do.

8.) Let your friends/family have their space

9.) Cry happy tears or something you've been holding onto.

10.) Try to do the right thing even if it comes out wrong.

It's amazing how truly magnificent your life can be. It's all up to you.

You can say your health, your family, your values, your money, your location, etc., is holding you back. But no, YOU ARE.

Don't wait.

lovelovelove

-C <3>