the moon is the only light i can use to look at you,

Sometimes I just breathe, and I think about how life is so much more than what we know.
I'm beyond astonished with this world. I'm so helpless at times. I find comfort in what people can't explain. I find myself lost in words, lost in photographs. Remenaissing on memories, language fails. Have you ever felt so far away from yourself? Yet so closely related to what's around you?

The book I've been awaiting for, "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" is beyond my expectations.

So far I've kept track of just a few of the quotes. They really do make me feel infinite. here they are:

-so this is my life. and i want you to know i am both happy and sad and still trying to figure out how this could be

-we accept the love we think we deserve

-and i wonder if anyone is really happy. i hope they are. i really hope they are

i can relate to feeling happy and sad (and many more contradicting emotions) at the same time and not really understanding it.

i think everyone really does accept the love they think they deserve. for example, someone who doesn't feel good about themselves will accept the kind of love that really isn't love at all. but when we think we deserve the best kind of love (we all do), then we will accept that and be content. does this make any sort of sense? i hope it does. in some kind of way.

i believe my dreams will come true. which enthralls me.

i've never wanted to watch the stars and not have to be rushed to do anything more than i want to now.

there's this really cool website. it's really inspiring. it's excerpts about how people give other people hope. just amazing random acts of kindness. check it out? click here to see it!

my grandfather is one of those people who say things sometimes and he himself doesn't realize how inspiring every person can be. he said something that gives me hope today. he kept a toy of my sisters from when she was little. it's a small plastic dog (about the size of half my hand). He said he takes it to the doctor with him and gives it to kids to play with while waiting in doctor waiting rooms.
gives me so much hope.

-love

i finally know how you stand against the world,

^ my opinion: the most important thing we can do in life is let go of the things that hurt or trouble us. god does not want us to live a boring, stressful, painful life. and we ourselves don't want that either. everything always works out eventually. we just have to remember that.

when you feel as if you're broken down and alone, remember the sunshine WILL shine again. things have to be not-so-good sometimes, so we can gain strength and appreciate the good times.

also, remember...everything happens for a reason.

and circumstances are temporary.

there are too many people who would kill to see you fall.

so keep your head up high and see the positive things.

i love you all.

if you would like to talk at all about anything, please call me or email me. or even comment me on this blog. my comments are not publicly posted, only i see them.

If you live your life with an appreciation of coincidences and their meanings, you connect with the underlying field of infinite possibilities.

reflections...come unto me.

Hold on, be strong. no matter what you're going through, you know it's going to okay...today.

i've found the smallest things bring the most happiness. and i've found things always turn out okay if you believe it will. i've never had a situation end badly forever, it always gets better. and although pain exists at times, it goes away with time. time is this amazing phenomenon that our world revolves around. people rush, people are busy, our world is fully about time. something that really doesn't even exist at all. it shouldn't be about that. life isn't about how much time you have or even how long you live, it's about how much joy was in those years. when we rush things, it never turns out as good as it would if we just relax and enjoy the moment. i try to do that. i like conversations that make you feel free. the kind that you want to keep thinking about. and you walk away knowing care is there. i need more of that. i miss people. i miss having the people that made me feel like i could fall back and they would catch me. i still have them but i feel as though i'm drifting away. let me rephrase that. THEY'RE drifting away. and i don't like it. but i'm accepting it. and i'm not making a big deal of it, because i know they are wrapped up in some things, and soon they'll unwind out of it and realize what they've been missing. which is me that they will miss. i don't mean to sound conceded at all by that. but it's just that i miss them and if they love me as much as i love them, they'll miss me too. i'm a good friend. i pride myself in that because i care a lot about people. sometimes i think i care too much. but i can't change that about myself. i choose to see it as a good quality more than anything. and i feel lately as if i'm just letting things happen, and not being so controlling about everything. i have a tendency of doing that. but i'm trying to drift through things and let it all fall into place. because i realize i can't control every aspect of life. now i just have to fully accept that. i'm not perfect. very far from it. but i'm very proud of how far i've come and i'm proud of the person i've become in general. i think i'm a "good person". i have strong beliefs and am spiritual. i love god with everything in me. i have a lot of dreams. i like to help people. i am making good relationships. i'm ready for some adventure. i mean, what more could i ask for? i'm sure there are things but guess what? i'm content. and i'm happy. that's all i ask for. i have to get through things daily but it's okay. who doesn't have to? answer: nobody. some more than others, but we all basically have the same messed up things in our lives. stressful situations. but it makes us stronger. and i'm happy to say i've climbed this mountain. and i'm not going back down.
everyone hurts us eventually, and we will hurt others eventually. we just have to figure out who's worth it all and remember to forgive them and ourselves.
well, things are changing and have been changing. and as much as it scares me, i have to believe it's good change. as much as i miss people and want those memories back, i can't change this. i have to keep moving and remembering who i am and that everything happens for a reason.

goodbye for now.

remember at least someone out there loves you. and would do anything for you and to see you smile.