sometimes i want to paint my face...

If I could say anything, it would be that bad things happen to good people all the time. Sometimes the most horrible things can turn into great things. I know it's hard to believe. Sometimes it's hard to see through all of the detrimental things. But we have to be one of those RARE people who don't get depressed about the bad things that happen to us. I wish for you that you're able to move on with your life, that you're able to love again even stronger, and able to not let it slow you down, but accelerate you.

Whatever it is.

Sometimes I'm not sure what the next day will bring for me, and it scares me.

Quick Story: I thought I was going to take a shower this morning, but I found myself just sitting there in the tub crying. My headphones were in, and the world was spinning around me, ready to crash in at any second.

I don't want to ever do that again.

Sometimes I scare myself.

I think we should all be our happiest selves. Whether we're making someone mad, disappointing someone, or making someone laugh. It doesn't matter. We should live our lives with happiness and kindness to everyone we come in contact with, though it's easier said than done. I'm with you there, reader.

 Sorry I haven't showed you the side of me that's broken. I smile in front of you because I think it's what you need. But inside, I'm torn apart for you.

I don't know how to make everything better. The truth is, I need to learn that I can't change everything that happens. I like to just let things happen. I'm not really a planner. But I don't like unpredictability.

I dreamed I was in a room and it kept moving and spinning, but I wasn't sure if it really was. I thought it was in my head in my dream. And I was asking people if they noticed it too. Then in this dream I said, "what if this never stops? what if this keeps spinning and we just have to deal with this forever?" Literally forever I was talking about. Neverending spinning and there would be nothing I could do about it.

-Why can't I just have normal dreams that don't mess with my head?

my strength: i see the beauty in every situation and every person

my weakness: sometimes i can't take things so much that i wake in the middle of the night shaking and crying.

but i'd never tell anyone that.

well....i kind of just did, didn't i?

I went home from school early. At lunch I started crying, shaking, and breathing heavily and I'm mad that I let my friends see me like that. They are supportive and such good friends to me, but they don't understand the slightest bit how I feel. So I wish they would stop saying that. When I feel like this, nothing matters. I stop caring about eating, homework...etc. Because everything else, all the negative things, just seems to overweigh it all and become the most important thing.

I bet you've never seen this side of me. Because I haven't either.

love.